The Man That You Are by I_Bleed

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Submission Name: The Man That You Are dots

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Author:	I_Bleed_Ink
Elite Ratio:	5.55 - 182/176/52
Words:	209

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Longing
Total Views:	242
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1281

Description:
My first and possibly only attempt at writing lyrics. I've got a rythm in my head that they work with, just thought I'd put them out here so y'all can tell me to not quit my day job. LOL! ^_^

The Man That You Are dots

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Walking around the lake,
Moonlight guiding our feet.
Playing on the swing-set,
fingers on your heartbeat.
A single rose for me,
a glass slipper for you.
Why wasn’t that enough
to keep our old love new?

You haven't changed,
it was all me.
Now I’m in love
with the man you used to be…
The man you used to be…

Never on the same page,
always one step ahead,
forever chasing destiny
Running ‘til we’re dead.
I see you everyday
haloed in your conceit.
When will you come to me,
admitting your defeat?

You haven't changed,
it was all me.
Now I’m in love
with the man you used to be…
The man you used to be…

I thought that I loved you,
Now I see it was lust.
No one to hold on to,
no one for me to trust.
I thought that I loved you,
and maybe I really did.
But it was all just a dream—
a secret that I hid.

You haven't changed,
it was all me.
Now I’m in love
with the man that you could be…
The man that you could be…
The man that you could be…

Submitted on 2005-10-24 23:33:04 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  I think I hear the musci in my head . . . these words could really go somewhere, though I'm certain not suggesting you quit your day job ;)

All jokes aside, you really don't have any really noticeable errors at all. I would like to compliment your use of punctuation. Some people sort of think of punctuation as a secondary feature, but it really is important to get the feel on a peice.
| Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by Starless Knight | [ Reply to This ]
  I persoanlly thinks everybody uses their ex as a measuring stick-to see how present and future lovers or whatever will measure up-- we always see what they could have been without all the bs and well...that is what we want the perfect one--not the one who simply cheated on you and turned to drugs etc--we just want someone perfect--as for lyrics it isnt bad I mean it is formated and structured correct. and ithe flow seems to kick well--I say yes it will work
Lt
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
  What kind of song is this, I mean what genre? It is pretty good, don't quit your day job since you aren't making money from this, yet. I like that you addressed the real feelings most people have of the person they "love". You expressed that you realized it was merely the image of this person in your head you were in love with. Very few people can identify the difference, what is worse is they look at me funny when I say this to them. Some just don't have the insight to understand what their real feelings are, this image or reflection is what they are attracted to. There is one saying that has always held true to me. A person isn't who they were in the last conversation, they are who they have been through out the whole relationship. If that makes any sense to you then you are 10 steps ahead of most people. I am so glad you can identify the difference between lust and love, yearning for someone doesn't mean you need them in your life. Take care and keep writing your truths.
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by crowded_mind | [ Reply to This ]
  The reason I liked this poem is because of the twist of fate scheme that seems to go on here, but what I didn't like was that it ended right away. Life is a [censored] isn't it? Well, I like what you're saying, try making it more passionate, so I could really get pissed off at someone that this reminds me of; I almost did. (:>)
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by pioneerheart | [ Reply to This ]

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