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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forced Rhyme...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Archer
    ASL Info:    17/female/Oregon
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 118/148/53
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1303
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 869



    Description:
       i have suffered writers block for the last few months. and still convinced that i needed to write something lest my brain explode... i have subjected your poor creative minds to my not so creative poems *smirks* but i feel that writing about how i could not write was a good way to go i can not promise it is perfect as i don't have a word program on my computer to check spelling but at least this time i capitolized things lol...
    any how i did the very best i could to suit how i am feeling inside so take it or leave it i guess i am laying it out to you...
    love and light
    Archer


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForced Rhyme...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I keep trying to write,
    something out, something new,
    forcing rhymes on to paper,
    to again say how much
    I love you.
    But no matter how long
    I sit here pencil in my hand,
    the words stop short;
    I loose command.

    I want you to know
    how you broke my heart,
    how long at night I lay lonely,
    how I'm falling apart.

    But I'm forcing it out
    writing it down anyway,
    the thing my heart screams,
    the thing my lips long to say.

    But I can't open my mind,
    and let profound words flow free,
    allow them to spill onto blank paper,
    all that's in side of me.

    I want to make you cry,
    as I have so long before,
    want you to open up
    become the on that I adore.





    Submitted on 2005-10-24 23:40:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I shall join the ranks of those who like this poem. I love poems like this simply because I can relate so well to them. This particular piece reminds me so much of my first poems.

    Good Write
    Ghost Child

    P.S.

    I'm sorry. If you were looking for a critique I can't help you there. I don't really believe in critiqueing poetry since its a form of expression. However it looks is how it was supposed to come out Sorry.
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Ghost Child | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem and I like how you tailor it around your writers block. Writing a poem about having writers block and knowing the words you want to say but not being able to say them in an original fashion is a good topic. And the feelings you express here are good. You allow the reader to sense your emotion with your word choices. Instead of this reading kinda blah it reads with emotion and frustration which seems to be the way you are feeling. That is good. I am sure lots of people can relate to these feelings as well which always makes a good connection. Nice write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, writers block is the worst thing ever. I've had it for a long time now, although it's lessening now and I think your poem really distills what I'm going through. I love how you wrote it as a pastiche of a love poem, it made me laugh and saddened me at the same time. A great write, yours in empathy, Speacenik.
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      on this stanza did you separate the "i love you"
    for some visual effect?

    I keep trying to wirte,
    something out, something new,
    forcing rhymes on to paper,
    to again say how much
    I love you.

    if not you can take out the "again" and make it like this:

    I keep trying to write,
    something out, something new,
    forcing rhymes on to paper,
    to say how much, I love you.

    few mispellings here and there as said in a previous post. very cute poem and touching...brush it up a bit and it could look quite nice

    ~mike

    ((added later))

    here is your entire poem with the "trimmings"

    I keep trying to write,
    something out, something new,
    forcing rhymes on to paper,
    to again say how much...
    I love you. (put that in for effect just in case!)
    (gap!)
    But no matter how long
    I sit here pencil in my hand,
    the words stop short,
    I lose command.

    I want you to know
    how you broke my heart,
    how long at night I lay lonely,
    how I'm falling apart.

    But I'm forcing it out
    writing it down anyway,
    the thing my heart screams,
    the thing my lips long to say.

    But I can't open my mind,
    and let profound words flow free,
    allow them to spill onto blank paper,
    all that's inside of me.

    I want to make you cry,
    as I have so long before,
    want you to open up
    become the one that I adore.

    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      In your description of the poem you explained EXACTLY what I'm going through. I too am having a severe case of writer's block and am in dire need to write something or else my head might just explode as well. You have just given me inspiration to write about how I can't write anything:)
    I liked the title you used. Very creative for this peice. I didn't like the last two lines that much, though. While the rest of the poem flows nicely and is very poignant the last two lines really do seem like 'Forced Rhyme'.
    Anyway, that's just my opinion. And thanks for the inspiration!
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Amanda Bee | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey writer's block helped you out on this one, remember it is all in your mind (no pun intended). This was a very well worded piece. The problem with some writers is they want to write anything just to post it, so they aren't feeling anything for the piece they write. Writer's block comes in at that moment because there is no emotion, or very little emotion, in the words they want to write down. The only poems that have ever been considered good is when there is an obvious passion in the words, anybody dissagree with me? You have defeated writer's block because you felt passionately about not being able to write the way you wanted. You contridicted it, and to that I say bravo.
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by crowded_mind | [ Reply to This ]
      The only thing that I had a problem with, and it's very minor is the last line where "on" should be "one".. but hey.. poetry isn't about "right" grammar and the perfect spelling.. Yeah, people can be picky about formats, and things of that sort.. I am one of those people.. But when the author writes, to solely get his emotions out in a type of "lay it all out" attitude, then someone looking in from the outside, like myself, can't say a word..

    I liked the words you put down.. It's like it describes almost every person that has writers block, especially when you are trying to write a good "love you" piece... I think everybody goes through that now and then.. I honestly thought, I would be reading nothing but a bunch of forced babble.. but that was far from what I saw..

    For having writers block, you did a really good job.I do have to say that I enjoyed reading..
    and that is something I don't say to often.. and I promise I won't be the only one..

    Keep writing..
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by daniel05 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    78696

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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