Smile (the re-write) by The41stSmibble

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Submission Name: Smile (the re-write) dots

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Author:	The41stSmibble
ASL Info:	19 male england
Elite Ratio:	2.95 - 41/60/15
Words:	168

Class/Type:	Poetry/Happy
Total Views:	474
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1326

Description:
The Re-write of smile

Smile (the re-write) dots

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Another poem, another rhyme
Subliminal messages of suicide
Stories of hearts and empty holes
Inner-depression and unresting souls
Menacing shadows, scarce of light
Unhinging corners dead of night
Blood stained melodies scared by knife
Crippled carcass, missing life.

Racest, fascist, revulsion, disgust
Extreme dislike, detestations a must
Pleasing torture, pleasure killing
Stealing innocence, terrified unwilling
Seedy alleys full of loathing
Diseased vermin, rats are roaming
Jagged grins of a sinful role
Plagues of death, consumes us all.

Effortless addiction fuelling rage
Punctured veins, fearful age
Shrieking lyrics of the slightly mad
Tearful sorrow so tenderly sad
No aspirations, dying hope
Missing principles, honours a joke
Thorny crown and a burning dove
Hate rules all overpowering love.

In the gutter a heretic cries
Regretting everything but his lies
His novel ending in tragedy
Whispered words of a widow’s plea
Sentences scratched ordered to bleed
Telling of lust, envy and greed
Depressed emotions for a while
Till you turn the page and it makes you smile.

Submitted on 2005-10-24 23:40:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i like this alot. nice rhyming, and wonderful rhythm. very very nice ending too. great work, keep it up! <3
| Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by everafter | [ Reply to This ]
  i see what you mean by it's about other forms of poems. yes i write about mostly the dark types of poems to but they are indeed originals all their own, as is this one. i liked how you included nearly every type of writing of poems and showed how they all have been read b4. well keep it up i'll read more of urs later.
brandon
| Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
  the only thing i can say is im adding this to my favorites. you said to check out your stuff and be honest and honestly this is damn good. one of the few rhymy rhymy poems i have really enjoyed.
| Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
  That was wondeful. I just read it through about five times, it was so good. You have pure talent running in your blood, and with the passion you write your words with, the outcome is perfection. It does describe poetry in a way few do.

Your piece reminded me of the saying (and I don't know who said it):
Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet believes to be interior and personal which the reader recognizes as his own.

I myself wrote about poetry in quite from quite a different angle. I prefer the way you have put it though. A tremendous read.
| Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
  This rocks! I like this one a whole lot better than the first version, this is very good. Much better rhyme and everything. Great job.!
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, there is a lot of power in poetry. Through it you can express and release all your emotions. This poem is full of drescriptive words and phrases which could be the theme from many poems.. "The Power of Poetry", is the right title for this piece.. Thank you for sharing it with us.. Desi
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Desi | [ Reply to This ]
  thats freaking awesome
i really love how well you kept rythem
i dont really have anything bad to say exept
maybe you should try a cooler title
i like the poems are a wepon i would dich the title
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by bloodied_angel | [ Reply to This ]

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