Deposit Heart Here by rocknpoetrychik

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Submission Name: Deposit Heart Here dots

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Author:	rocknpoetrychik
ASL Info:	20/Female/Someplace
Elite Ratio:	4.06 - 331/281/44
Words:	68

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	260
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	488

Description:
Take from it what you will. I cannot tell what this poem is about accept it is about a secret. which should be quite evident. Love it or not or kinda like it
~*~AMBER~*~

Deposit Heart Here dots

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Secret kept safe within worn flesh walls,
Deposit box heart beats faster,
Ultraviolet paradise with rent-a-cop security,
World of pass codes and tiny keys,

Other side of town yields the same secret,
Worn flesh walls reside there as well,
Identical ultraviolet universes,
Keep safe, Kept safe,

Bang! Bang! Bang!
Shots ring out!
What the hell is this all about?
Secret is safe, safe is the secret.

Submitted on 2005-10-25 01:13:05 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Living a secret life...some things are best kept in the corners of our minds...is what this has me thinking about...thereby we are the only one knowing...smile...if you told me...it would no longer be a secret...remembering this old spoken line...
other side of town...
pass codes...tiny keys and rent-a-cops have little effect upon desire.
~Alan
| Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah, I like it! Any piece that has the reader wondering is ok by me, and this entices the reader with its secret, and one can't help but try and guess what it is.

I guess you know the answer to the shots ringing out, but it's very cryptic, you may consider giving a better clue, maybe.

Nicely done though, I liked you descriptions of the safe deposit box, they were very good. I guess this is about a clandesting love, since someone else holds the same secret...

Well done

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  i like the whole idea of the poem. the way we hold our secrets close to our heart, and can become attached to the idea that its something that only we know; how the longer we keep the secret things happen that make us almost spill it, but we still keep it safe because keeping that one thing close to ourself is what keeps us sane. while i agree with kyml that the last stanza is a little confusing, but i think its more of the fact that its just so vague.

a good write, i look foward to reading more!

~smlaw
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by smlaw | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like this poem, but the last stanza is confusing. Something jarring happens, but I can't quite figure out what. The idea of keeping something safe is a great one to write a poem about.
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by kyml | [ Reply to This ]

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