very interesting and thought-provoking questions.. the depth of such heartache brings us to these things.. your last line, "When can I be myself again..." says it all, really.. it is time to move on and find yourself out of this relationship.. so much pain it brought.
i tend to agree with DayDreaMeR.. you could tighten it up a bit..
When do I say "enoughtheartache, enough pain" When do I put the pieces together...
When do I answer the phone and say hello...
just a suggestion. overall though this speaks well to trying to move on and find yourself again..
I like this piece but I think you could do a lot better structure wise and stuff.
First off, the use of all those "when's" really takes away a good flow from this. It would probably be better to use them maybe at the first line of each stanza or maybe use it in the first and third lines of the stanzas.
Heres an example..
"When do I say "enough heart ache" and "enough pain" Do I put the pieces together? and build myself up again"
Thats just an example and it takes out all those "when's" that you really don't need. Doing that also gives it more of a flow and rhythm. So yea if you fix this up I think it will be perfect. ttyl.
I know how you feel trust me, I have been having my times, for sure for sure... I am having some trouble with my b/f, I love him so much, but he insists on stay living at his parents house, I hate it there, I can't figure out what to do, and when I do, will I be able to... I am just confused... I hear ya, you are not alone. Vicious
I see in this 1 particlar peice u went into the traditional style. it's a pretty decent piece and displays simple emotions. in fact its so simple that in full essence u got your point around: you're hurt. - that's a compliment
now its so simple that one can hardly delve into the peice intelectualy, u used somewhat good imagery, but i feel u could put more complex rhyme schemes hen enders all in all i give this 2.5 out of 5