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    dots Submission Name: Within My Dreamsdots

    Author: _winky_
    ASL Info:    25/f/minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 664/529/96
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1242
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 815


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    dotsWithin My Dreamsdots

    I wonder what you do all day
    All alone way over there
    Thinking of the long nights you spend
    As I kneel to whisper a prayer

    Sometimes I can see your face
    So real as if you where here
    I try so hard to control myself
    But can never stop the tears

    I miss you more than you値l ever know
    My heart belongs there with you
    Someday I値l get to show you it all
    When we live like we are meant to

    Within my dreams we are as one
    Nobody can ever take that away
    All I can do is wonder if
    I am in your heart to stay

    So come home soon my dearest love
    Everyday without you is a fight
    I知 tired now and need to rest
    But I値l see you in my dreams tonight

    Submitted on 2005-10-25 08:27:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      O wow...I know we're not supposed to say I relate so well..but I relate so well! Your words in this poem have been my life for like 3 years! My boyfriend just got back from Iraq...and I felt this everyday...sometimes you miss someone so much it's ubearable..and the only time you feel any kind of connection is when you meet that person in your dreams. I just loved this...great job. This is definitely fave. Awesome job. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very touching poem that captures the essence of longing so well. How difficult this must be to love and need someone so much who cannot be by your side. You have expressed your feelings so well in this poem. I have never been in this situation myself, so I cant say I can relate firsthand but I can say I know what it feels to love and miss someone very much and my heart goes out to you. It is indeed an awful feeling, an emptiness, but it sounds as if this situation is temporary and you will have your love back in time. I imagine it feels like an eternity. This is a very good heartfelt poem. Take care.

    | Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      A very longing, sweet piece. In your first stanza, I'd take a look at "As I kneel to say you a prayer", perhaps rewording as "As I kneel to whisper a prayer" with direction being insinuated.

    The third stanza, last line, 'As we live like we are supposed to' comes off a little choppy, as supposed breaks the flow.

    Gorgeous sentiments and I really feel attached and wish for a conclusion of emotion. Groovy!


    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      You said it all here, and really got the emotions across, it was so sad reading of your longing.

    A beautiful job here, very well done.

    be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful write, i started to tear up a little at the end! its a great piece that is short and consiece, but allows the reader to feel the whole rang of emotions at the same time. i can understand the feeling of seperation from a loved one (being away from all of my family and friends while i'm at school), and i this poem really made me think of all the nights where i fall asleep just thinking of the next time i'll get to see them and all of the things i want to say to them, and the experience i want to share with them. a great write, i really enjoyed this piece! have a nice day!

    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by smlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      So heartfelt, emotional and filled with longing. Reminds me of our men in war and how we long for them all to come home safely. Here's hoping the love in your dreams will come back in reality.
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      A heartfelt poem expressing true love
    I really enjoyed it you were able to express how much you truefuuly love this person
    Keep praying as I have a funny feeling your prayer will be answered
    Remain positive
    Take Care
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This work reminded me of the many places I have been in my lifetime...sometimes looking out over a sea...or even at a moon...and wondering how someone was doing far away...thinking of love shared...this is such a personal and special work...my favorite type of writings...this so much speaks of your love of him and how much you truly long and miss him...
    "I miss you more than you値l ever know"...speaks this so well...and this one line...a beautiful ending..."But I値l see you in my dreams tonight" to this work.
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]

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