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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jassal
    ASL Info:    20/m/india
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 57/37/6
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 286
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 341



    Description:
       its just what i feel right now..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    A pitch dark room,
    Candles casting long shadows,
    CD players sings my songs,
    Photographs of family, friends and pets,
    My favourite T shirt on the floor,
    Half eaten meal on the plate,
    Still warm,
    Sitting between it all,
    Holding a gun to my head,
    My mausoleum ,
    My world....




    Submitted on 2005-10-25 13:44:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Liked this one a lot.

    Thought the dark physical setting went well with the overall dark mood of the piece.

    Noticed a small typo in line 3: "Player" should be in the singular, surely.

    Well done,

    Psyve
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]
      "Heat the gun under hot water and place it gently on your tongue, it's more comfortable that way. As far as the photos of your friends, Hell, they're blank-and the pets, well you've eaten them dude, don't you remember?-Your T shirt is covered in crap because you wiped your ass on it-anyway I kinda liked the poem-It didn't suck too much-Mugs-
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by mugsy | [ Reply to This ]
      this was really great. nice job. you explained something that I sometimes (shamefully overlook) I write about being suicidal but not about some of the everyday feelings as much as the last day. wow am adding this to my favs:) great write. thnx for sharing it.
    laters.
    Peace
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, i really like this, hope you don't mind if I add it to my favorites. I love how you describe all of the ordinary day objects and then you get to the part with the gun. The ending was, in my opinion, beautiful. Great job, 5 stars.
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...It was interesting how you described all of the mundane objects/situations going on at that moment and then the gun.
    I took it as someone who feels unnoticed and unfulfilled - trapped in this world all their own.
    Good!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]



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