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    dots Submission Name: History in My Toy Boxdots

    Author: PsychoBabble214
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 103/109/29
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1116
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1316

       im not quite sure where this came from, but for some reason when i lay on my bed at night and can't fall asleep, i think and little rhymes come to me... it's weird. iono. ^_^. it makes me happy, and tell me what you think!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHistory in My Toy Boxdots

    My childhood hides
    Boxed up under my bed
    Broken toys and shattered dreams
    With nothing left ahead

    Open the chest
    I’m afraid to look inside
    What will I find?
    Everything I’ve denied

    Out comes my teddy
    Soaked still with tears
    I cried away my age
    Cried away my fears

    Next come my crayons
    That marked out the pain
    Blacks, reds and blues
    Lodged inside my brain

    Now here are my pets
    All left for dead
    No friend to hold
    As I hide inside my head

    Here’s a tape in my hand
    And now I click play
    Screaming fills the room
    And I remember every fucking day . . .

    Next comes my book,
    Whose pages tend to bleed
    Careful, don't spill
    Blood; the only thing I really need

    A knife falls from the pages
    Comfort hitting ground
    You can't cuddle up to a blade
    But a different world has been found

    Needle and thread dangles
    I pull it up; but afraid to see
    If this is how im repaired
    I’d rather stay me

    Now handcuffs emerge
    Confining me to my bed
    Killing the child
    And leaving her for dead

    Submitted on 2005-10-25 18:48:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you're being a little bit melodramatic. Teddy bears soaked with tears, etc. Cutting yourself. It seems like evry other poem I read on this site is about the comfort found in pain. (and then it's the teddy bear's fault..!) This is almost as depressing as my still life (broken bottle, scattered pills, a dilapidated Cinderella shoe... my professor thinks I'm demented.)
    But overall, I think that the utter negativity of the poem leaves it in that cliché depressed genre of poems. Instead of trying to shock people, try to give a real image. Nothing is iredeemably bad (except perhaps the classic movie MANOS: The Hands of Fate). Try to be a little fairer, and it will give your poem another dimension.
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
      It's so...depressing. Such a depressing way to remember your childhood. Interesting, the [censored]ization of child's toys. Especially the handcuffs...lol you wrote it makes you happy. It doesn't exactly make me happy. When I find stuff from my childhood I remember my [censored]ty drawings that I made my parents post on the fridge and stuff and barbies' whose hair I cut way too short so you could see the holes in the scalp and somehow the legs are broken off and probably the stupid shirts I used to wear with random stuff on them like, "New England Child Gear..."

    Anyway, I definitely got sidetracked from critiquing..."shattered dreams" and "left for dead" seem a bit cliché in this context. These lines stuck with me: "Careful, don't spill
    Blood; the only thing I really need." But I just like talk of blood in poetry, I don't know why. Don't think it's your best stuff...but not bad, not bad...

    - Astarael
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Astarael | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the verses of this poem could be refined to create that deeper meaning youre searching to give it. It starts out rather easy and as a shocking suprise becomes something else. The question i wonder at the end is who is this, how old is this person, it truly captured something there. Its a bit rough at times and I just ponder whether it could have been more smooth and subtle. that is what i think you were trying to go for here. Good luck!
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by Ms. DejFruit | [ Reply to This ]

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