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    dots Submission Name: Ballad of the Two: part onedots

    Author: Akili
    Elite Ratio:    2.36 - 915/400/60
    Words: 707
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1195
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4363

       Well, I now seem to want to write ballads. This is the start of one that may or may not be written more by me. If I do write more, it's going to be 3-6 parts long. So please tell me what you think!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBallad of the Two: part onedots

    Set in a land
    about here or near there.
    Over in that land lies a lady
    A lady that was so fair.

    The lady Rose had by her
    two sons of great worth.
    But the king of the land died.
    The two children where hidden away from their rightful birth.

    One grew in the castle of a family
    another set to become a knight.
    For he was the oldest
    and it was thought he would become the light.

    But fate laughed in the face
    of everyone who’d tried so hard.
    The oldest son become dark
    and the land was soon scarred.

    People would run in fright
    as soon as a stranger was seen.
    The doors always got barred
    and no one would help it seemed.

    A great terror gripped the land.
    Yet some people lived not in fear.
    The memory of a small child
    and hope was ever so near.

    But someone had not forgotten his brother
    and that same person went down and slew
    every living soul at the knight’s castle so dear.
    Then laughed as the blood stained his shoes.

    The gloating man killed
    his own brother once so dear.
    Then with a smile he looked around
    then left without looking around him near.

    For under a bed lay a child
    smaller then most.
    And this small and scared child
    who was the child of the younger prince’s host.

    The child ran away and hid
    in the woods so lonely.
    He was brave and a knight’s son
    but still a child only.

    He cried upon the gods and goddess of his birth.
    Prayed to them to allow him to live
    and to someday revenge
    all of those he has just witnessed killed.

    The child had to learn to grow
    where no person he ever saw.
    Years passed and a few more.
    And the land now held to a horrible law.

    Women and girls taken by force.
    Where they got dragged everyone knew
    But hearts had sagged
    and so no one ever from fate flew.

    A stranger came to a village
    he asked for water or ale.
    And sat watching people pass by
    including the women weeping, hidden in veils.

    He asked why the weeping
    and why everyone now lived in fear.
    “My lady, I can recall a time
    when everyone in this land lived in cheer.”

    The woman he asked wept
    and with a great cry
    told him what would happen
    and what was that made all sigh.

    “My lord,
    please for us pray.
    For our women are to soon walk off
    and walk to that castle grey.

    For every five girls
    the lord and king take one.
    It doesn’t matter who she is
    a child of noble or a unworldly nun.

    A marriage then takes place
    and then it is death.”
    And then the old woman stopped
    and turned, gasping in breath.

    The stranger sat and watched
    as the girls crying then took leave.
    Of the small village
    in which all parents softly grieved.

    The stranger watched them
    with a change in his eyes.
    “If I could but find a man to help me
    but would I against this evil king rise.”

    He paid then left
    into the forest so close.
    Not knowing what his plea had drew
    then again, no one knows how fate goes.

    He walked for a day and hour
    before coming upon a small hut.
    No windows it had, a hole for a door.
    All in all it had been crudely cut.

    The stranger looked it over
    then began to laugh.
    Without a thought he knocked
    on the hut with his staff.

    Out of the woods strode a young man
    with eyes with anger did flash.
    Upon seeing him our stranger
    asked this boy not to be rash.

    The two looked at the other then saw
    that fate brought them together.
    And though they knew what for
    one could have been knocked over with a feather.

    And there they both swore
    by blood and steel.
    To overthrow this dark king
    then broke bread together to seal the deal.

    Submitted on 2005-10-25 22:55:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oooooooooo, nice story... Why can't neko write stories like that... *sniffles* It was just....... soooooooooooooo awesome. Honestly, I dont know what saying.... Keep it up.

    See it, see it, see it.... I commented, so now neko is being a good stalker... see it, see it.
    *runaway giggling*
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by Gothik | [ Reply to This ]
      *Dances about and sits to wait for the next part*

    Next part next part YAY!

    This is so awesome, I am now loving ballads done by Aki...well...whatever! You know what I mean! I am sorry I didn't read it sooner :( I really wanted to! I'm just busy all the freaking time anymore, it seems, it is terrible :( I never get to read your work right off anymore :( and I love you work!

    Alright, and here are some things I noticed that you might want to look over again...if you want, doesn't matter to me

    “If I could but find a man to help me
    but would I but against this evil king rise.”

    Uhm...revise? I'm thinking you accidently put the but in there twice...if it is supposed to be that way, help me, I am confused, I know what you meant...the wording just threw me off a little.

    told him what would happen
    and was that made all sigh.

    Same as the last one...most mistakes are easily made, just from typing it up quickly, I know I make them all the time. You don't want to stop and go back for fear that it will all go POOF gone.

    Yeah, but, anyway, LOVE IT, can't wait to read more!

    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      whoo hooo! more of aki's ballads!

    as always, your rhyme is perfect... how do you manage to always stay with the scheme?i have to admit though, the beginning of this didn't seem up to par with your usual work. towards the end you pick it up and run like you normally do and it's a lot better.
    i had to giggle in a couple of parts, like the bloodstained shoes and the unworldly nun thing.
    the story it tells is awesome too... it kind of reminded me of those old arthurian films, you know, the ones that are all about revenge? oh! does the young man find unlikely love in the end too? -oh wait, sorry, i got ahead of myself. Can't wait until the next one comes out!

    | Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm... a very, let's say, interesting piece. I liked the rhyming, and the flow was alright. The wording could have been better, although I suppose the rhyming narrowed down your vocabulary. At first, the poem reminded me of The Man with the Iron Face (title right?) and by the end I was reminded of King Schahriar and His Brother (a piece in English IGCSE Anthology). It was an original piece, however and I admired the theme. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]

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