Not Being Noticed by Writer Chic

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Submission Name: Not Being Noticed dots

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Author:	Writer Chic
ASL Info:	15/F/at my house
Elite Ratio:	4.83 - 100/101/26
Words:	344

Class/Type:	Misc/Love
Total Views:	397
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1574

Description:
I wrote this a few weeks ago, for this dude, I really like him, but like it says.....he don't notice me...I feel stupid...lol....enjoy and comment as you please

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Do you have any idea,
how bad it is to love someone,
knowing that they don’t love you?

Do you know what kind of effect
you have on me?
The way that you smile and tell me jokes,
which I laugh at wholeheartedly?

Have you ever stopped to think that
I may care for you?
Do you know how many sleepless nights
I’ve had, just thinking of you?

Did it ever occur to you that at least
someone – me – was waiting for you
to make a move?

I feel like I’m building snowmen
on the last day of winter!
Oh the irony, the excruciating irony!!

You have no idea how much it burns,
to see you with another girl.
I want to be the one next to you!
I want to be the one to have your arm around me!

And because you’ve never noticed,
I am now doomed.
Doomed to sleepless nights
Doomed to watching the phone hoping when it
Rings it will be you
Doomed to watching for the postman hoping
you have sent me mail
doomed to relying on fantasies that will
never come true.

The first guy that I’ve ever loved, doesn’t even
noticed my affection
This is no longer love or infatuation!!
It’s pain!
Don’t you see? You’re killing me!
Why do you punish me like this?
Or do you not even notice?

Submitted on 2005-10-26 05:44:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Wow. This poem is grood (great+good). And I know how you feel. I like how you eschewed fancy imagery and shakespearean-style fakeries, and instead your poem reads like an internal monologue. I like the building snowmen at the end of winter part. That was a striking metaphor that I think worked well and gave color to your poem. Overall, very good!
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
  (for reference I shall call them stanzas even though it seems a few aren’t)

st1 in the first three lines I feel for that sentiment. loving a person is very hard when they don’t love you back, I’ve had that had recently twice, so I feel for what you write about.

st2 people on the other end don’t have those feelings so it is much easier for them to blow it off as some phase. it takes away from the person who wants so badly to connect with and to be treasure by someone. love is more like a prison when it is one sided that resembles most cases of that type of love.

st3 when people don’t care it drives a cold stake in someone heart. I’ve often heard the phrase you don’t know what you have till its gone. when I am not loved by someone and it passes that stage to where I move on they can never regain that, down the road I will turn cold to that person and have no feeling for them, love then is nearly impossible. I have someone who has tried to patch it up to make it work sadly it wont. I can feel the loss of sleep. also did you have any problems eating right?

st4 ok this one I have a problem with it was going well, till I hit this part. this making the first move should not always be one the other person. I know that there are circumstances where one may feel they can’t, but remember you can always be frank with someone and tell them how you feel. And if they knew already then maybe you mean more of an action here and not just having them be unaware.

st5 this language usage I like, the feeling of building a snowman on the last day of winter. that is awesome language there. I can parallel a saying “too little to late” the exclamation actually gives it a little comedy feel, especially after winter almost like a punch line (and I know you don’t want that) try discarding just the one after winter just to see if you like it. “Oh the irony, the excruciating irony!” again I hate to say this but still have this sort of comedy feeling to it try taking of the “oh” at least maybe that will help. maybe reword it a little or add something else that might help it.

st6 now this is a real good one here. seeing this person with another girl that is a sting like no other. it almost feels as if they are parading around you just to make your skin scrawl, this brings back memories. now the anger and frustration is truly felt in the next two lines with “I want to be the one next to you! I want to be the one to have your arm around me! that part hits, it is amplified by the part, seeing them together, wonderful.

st7 now the spiral into depression. first there were questions, then anger, and now sadness and reflections.

st8 wow a first love too that’s very disheartening. the love and infatuation now turning to pain and a great one at that. it does feel like death, I think it’s more closer to death of the spirit and it takes time and work to get out of it. course I’m a different breed I handle my lost love a little differently then most but I wont get into that I already did earlier today I don’t want to sound like a broken record. the end echoes very well with “or do you not even notice?”

overall a strong emotional pieces few bugs in it here and there ill leave it to you whether you want to take care of those. splendid job,

~mike
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  *sighs with a vacant grin* either you live in my head and pulled it out or you know exactly what i am going through... or went through *corrects with a blush* honesty is the best quality but i must say that you should never wait.. if he notices you not then make your self noticed.. if you love him... make him see... *sorry to all men* but men don't always pick up on that kinda stuff that is why they have us asside from making sure that they don't forget to wash their socks they know that we will always be bluntly honest with them... from your poem i assume you never told him... so do it... you may be supprised at what you might find...

*coughs* now as for your peice it did remind me a bit more of a freewrite then a poem but hey i do it too so i guess you and i are two peas in a pod ;)
i loved the movement of this peice rapic and beautiful just like true love.... and even at the end you know that there is alway something better to come....
well love and light
please keep writing
Archer
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by Archer | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good heartfelt poem. This speaks of the innermost honest feelings you have. You have written them quite clear and with good passionate expression. I believe that if you want something bad enough you should be willing and prepared to go out and get it. .Maybe tell him how you feel? Your feelings are so strong that spending time with him isnt healthy for you anymore. The worst that can happen is you find out he doesnt feel the same way. Then you might feel bad for a while but at least you will finally know. You wont want to spend time with him anymore because you will be embarrased but that would be for the best to get him out of your mind. You cant keep going on like this! On the other hand, he is a guy. And guys are not always the brightest when it comes to seeing feelings and emotions. Maybe he isnt aware. Maybe you telling him would work out exactly the way you want it to, or at least give him something to consider. Then give him space and time to think. Absence does make the heart grow and if he knows how you feel his awareness will be heightened and he can figure out how he feels. Sorry for my ramble here but I feel this way. I wish you the best. Be strong!Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, the pain bleeds from this. im a guy, and they say its different for guys, but yet, ive felt this type of pain before. the girl was always there was always around, yes she took notice of me, but not in the way i looked for. she didnt have a clue of how i felt, even tho i was droppin hints left right and center, even just told her straight up, she shrugged it off like a scrape on her knee...i doubt now that even if she had known sooner it would have been different. oh well, such is life and love. Yet again this one comes to my mind, Life IS to short, we just never know HOW short. So although you hold your pain, try and let at least some of it go, dont let this tunnel vision blind u, there might be somone around u who's feeling the same about u, what if youve taken no notice of him?
Keep writing and keep reading,
Shane
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by Drayke | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a good write in the way its true its from your heart...it you spilled out onto the paper...its hard to critique honest words...but...i'm going to just give you a few suggestions...because honestly when i read this i felt as if you were either telling him this or writing him a letter...not really a poem...but like i said this is merely my observation and opinions...if you would like it to be this way for your personal reasons then keep it like this...if you would like to improve upon this and turn your feelings into a poem then you can...i guess i'm just saying there are ways to say the things you.ve said artistically...with more images and metaphors...i've never read anything else from you to know your style of writing...but i just feel it would improve upon the write greatly...along with some structure...maybe broken into stanzas...oh and on a personal note...i think everyone has felt this way,,,i know i have and its hard...have you told him...or are you afraid of being hurt...well good luck...purps
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the honesty I see in this piece. I do know how it feels to perceive you are beneath the love of the one you love. I know the torment of watching that person with another. I know the torment of watching the one I love be abused by this other person. You just want to reach out and make them love you, make them see and feel what you do. It is so painful to sit across from them aching for their touch, for their beautiful embrace. Every ounce of your body screams for them to love you, for them to notice you, to feel you, to be with you. In your mind you don't think you can endure the pain any longer, crying to sleep every night, wanting to feel physical pain to be able to cope with the emotional agony inside. Feeling like you're worthless, ugly, invisable. Is this close to how you feel? Oh I've been there, so hard. The important fact is you will move on, this will not be the last chance you have for happiness. This is a learning experience, a painful one, because the best lessons are the most painful. This is a perfect time to learn who you are and how you handle yourself. Take the focus off of him and look at yourself, see what you can. Learn and the next experience you will be in control of. You can learn to make the other person need you, desire you. Learn that what you see in another person is actually a reflection of you. Since I know that may be confusing to you read my next poem that will be posted tomarrow 'World of Mirrors'. You might understand it better.
Always write from your soul, you can never fail if you are honest with yourself. Good Luck.
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by crowded_mind | [ Reply to This ]

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