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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: bruisesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 948
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 846



    Description:
       this is that point where you've gone too far with someone to give up on them, no matter how much they hurt you in the process. the downside to Salvation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbruisesdots
    -------------------------------------------



    i'm such a lost thing you don't miss
    my purpose has been taken
    defiled by the way you look at me
    is it any wonder, this
    that my voice is broken in my throat
    painful, the cries it can't set free
    sick but i'll meet you the rest of the way
    if you make one step to me, to stay
    i'll take you, save you ... it will be okay

    adrift, cut and bleeding to death
    i can't recall happiness
    just blow me a kiss in the dark
    this could be my longest held-in breath
    the truth gives a loose guarantee
    i need you to see your black heart
    sick but take this softly and come home to stay
    if you ask i'll come, let it be done, make all this okay
    i'll break you, save you ... i'll find a way




    Submitted on 2004-04-20 03:30:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm always so pleased with your work, Grace. And that probably sounds odd coming from someone you barely know, but your words, regardless of context or meaning, have a very soothing property for me.

    You take weighty subjects, like personal pain, abuse, the dissolution of a relationship, and write them in a way where I feel them, but am protected from the full force of the impact had it been written a different way.

    It's soft whill still being harsh, polished and raw at the same time. I'm afraid I haven't explained that properly, but I don't know how to do much better.

    Just know that I am most definitely a fan.

    Thank you so much for sharing your work with all of us. You inspire me greatly.

    drowning_queen
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I know Im not supposed to write this, but i really do relate, this is exactly what I am going through in the moment...Love is not the idyllic fantasy I want it to be, n my situation its a hard struggle for peace...Thanks
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by caspian | [ Reply to This ]
      It is like the lyrics to a cheap song. I kind of liked the broken rhythm but it goes nowhere. Perhaps you could try dancing to the rhythm and say something worthwhile.
    Torie
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by Torie | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, though it has a darkness to it. "blow me a kiss in the dark" I really like that. I like the phrasing in this piece. I don't see how the title fits. I think you could be a little more creative with the title, give it more punch, depth, ... but again I like it
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      This definitely had a strong son quality to it. The words had the bittersweet familiarity of a relationship caught in a hopeless cycle of pain.

    This was very compelling. It left me feeling uneasy.
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]


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