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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: English Class Balladdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wildchild
    ASL Info:    19/f/northwest
    Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 307/268/27
    Words: 434
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2780



    Description:
       All right, this is a ballad I wrote for my English class.... yes I realize it sucks but I didn't have enough time to finish it the way I want.
    Give me some suggestions and I'll update it. (perhaps make a part two?)
    Thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEnglish Class Balladdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There once was a knight
    who refused to sing
    and was dishonored for only
    noteless joy did he bring,

    It twas not courage he lacked
    but was skilled in warfare;
    he rallied men to him though
    no battle cry filled the air.



    Not the Lord of this realm
    was of curious stock
    so he heard of this odd man
    and wished to know what he sought.

    So wise was our knight,
    he knew what was in store,
    he came before his king
    and stepped upon the floor,

    His leige looked at him
    with a twinkle in his eye
    but our knight just shook his head
    and heaved a great sigh,

    "You wish to ask why
    I've never sung to a lady fair,
    there is no dark myster
    only by an oath I swear.

    I've wandered this land
    from end to end,
    searching for a cure so as
    my broken heart could mend.

    Now you must sit and listen
    to this tale I have to tell."
    The court leaned forward, listening,
    he voice as clear as a bell.

    "It was not long ago
    that I had a love of my own.
    Nothing was too high a price
    to see her smile shone.

    It began one early morning
    as I came upon a songstress fair,
    she sat there singing lullabies,
    stringing flowers through her hair

    She was so graceful with
    the laughing brook running by her feet,
    she turned her face towards mine
    and my heart skipped a beat.

    The hair of her head was racen black
    yet her eyes were the deepest blue,
    and with a small smile she said,
    'I have been waiting for you.'

    I took her away and
    for many a year we lived in bliss
    yet I never stopped yearning
    for her warm, sweet kiss.

    But all my joy ended
    one hateful day in June
    when two wicked men came
    to hear my wife's sweet tune.

    Their mission was so secret,
    neither were lion brave,
    they intended to steal the melody
    and take my love to her grave.

    Ignorant were we and let them stay
    but in the silent night they slit her throat
    tore her treasure out
    and escaped across the moat."

    The court blinked in shock,
    unbelieving at this sad story
    for who would do this horrendous act
    that holds absolutely no glory?

    Our dear knight wiped away a tear
    "I will now, continue my quest
    to find my true love's song
    that was torn from her breast."




    Submitted on 2005-10-27 10:58:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      That was so BEAUTIFUL and sad. It was brilliant. I loved how he told the story and I could just see the girl sitting there with the flowers and the stream. Its sad that he lost his true love to horrible men. I almost felt like crying. good work
    inkpen
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
      THIS......WAS.....AWESOME..... (damn, the more I comment today, the more I feel like the lossiest poet on earth. And you once all said that I was one of the best in the group.... Now I feel bad seeing everyone massively outranking me.... Anyway, this is not the place to rant about myself)
    You know jess, for all the poem I readed today, (and I readed a bunch), yours was the fullest in emotion (did I said this write?). Keep on the writing, once you'll be one with poetry, there's nothing you won't be able to come over with.

    ^_^ Neko
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by Gothik | [ Reply to This ]
      A good poem that with a little work could really turn into a Great write

    You showed a lot of imagery in this write
    I cant help but think you used a lot of your own experiences in this write
    Keep writing you definately have talent just try and expand on it

    Take Care
    Ron


    Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think

    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      *Starts rubbing her arms and legs* Goosebumps.

    Dude, this is so, stunning...sad...You really get into the knights tale.

    A little mistake, you put racen instead of raven, the v and c are so close, easy mistake to make.

    I think for being forced this is AWESOME! Seriously, it isn't just "okay", and I am NOT just saying that, poetry is one thing I won't lie to you about, heh. I know what forced poetry looks like, hell I have notebokks upon notebooks of it. But this surpassed forced, there was emotion, strong emotion, and with forced poetry, you put as little emotion as possible, so I would like to say, congrats, Sista Jess, on a job well done!

    Oh, and I am waiting for NEXT PART NEXT PART!

    (I like ballads...)

    Love you, and you work
    Your Sista Bon
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Woo-hoo! *starts crying* this is really sad, poor knight! I see a few errors in here, but they mostly seems to be you just missing a letter (so jess waas in hurry when she wrote this?) Great job!
    | Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey. Did you turn this in??

    Okay, It's not as bad as you think, it's better than mine. Um, I really don't know what to say on this. I know how unwilling we were to write these, but for being forced, it was good. I mean, it was good anyway...I should shut up now.

    Have a good day. And I'll see you this weekend sometime.

    Loves hun
    | Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree, it is a little rough, but it's still a really excellent start. I'm not sure of any suggestions, but I like what you've got. Maybe try reading it out loud to yourself or a friend any fixing the parts that sound a bit funny. I've done that with some of my stuff, and it almost always turns out better. I liked the idea of a knight being all brave and everything, but he can't get a girl anymore because he lost one, and now he can't even sing. It's a fun idea. You put in just the right mixture of humor and seriousness in your words, so that each part works well together. It's a really great start, and I'm sure it will be even better if you choose to revise it.

    Cheers,
    Azael
    | Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Please please please _please_ do a part two? This was a horribly sad, sweet story and I would very much like a happy ending. It's the girliness in me. ^_^
    You were right in the description, it is a little rough, bit I never feel quite right saying that sort of thing, since I know my own writing is far from perfect. Heh.
    Oh! Mayhaps in the second one he finds the song and they sing a duet! That would be quite happy, don't you think?
    Well, should there be a second part (I wouldn't know, this is the first piece of yours I've read) I will quite happily read it. ^.^

    ~Birdie~
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by MaeBirdie | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you did a rather good job Jess. I liked how you weaved the tale, and strongly suggest you do a part two. There a couple of typos I spotted, but overall, this was really good. Kinda bittersweet. Your flow was nice, and the imagery was good. I hope you got a good grade for this.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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