Description: This isn't based on anything happening in my life.
Clouded by Dreams -------------------------------------------
You return my love
as if it were a library book
that you're done with
and didn't particularly enjoy.
So, if it's a chore to love me,
why love me at all?
Quit me like you quit
using soap that makes you itch.
Forget me like you forgot
that dog that died when you were six.
Replace me with some tart
that turns your eyes from mine
when we walk down the street,
but don't pine for me later
like some film you fell asleep
watching at three am
that'll only disappoint you
when your mind isn't
clouded with dreams
like the dreams of us
that clouded my heart.
Well done! It was very sad and emotional, and I know that feeling very well of loving someone you know really doesn't feel the same. Poetry wise, there's not much to say, the entire thing fit together greatly.
you return my love as if it were a library book that you're done with and didn't particulary enjoy
geez, when love becomes a chore, what is it? your images are stark and spot on.. like you are all alone in this dream, clouding your heart with questions and wonderings about, is this really real? more trouble than love i would say.
I like the edgey quality of this one Amy, the last two lines intrigue me because of the juxtaposition of "mind " and "heart".
when your mind isn't clouded with dreams like the dreams of us that clouded my heart
I like this play on words and its meaning is worthy of a debate. Relationships are worthy of debate, inside and outside of them it goes on. I'm for making love as another option and solid caring one on one.
Thanks for sharing, it's like a rant with rhythm..
I'm so happy to see you posting! :) This is a real treat. I love the flow of this piece. I can just imagine a woman telling her ex lover off like in a grocery store or somewhere really public...and totally humiliating him for the way he "returned her love". :) I like how you said "why love me at all?" Because it's true...some people know they are going to break your heart but they continue to lead you on anyway...and that hurts. Great job hun. I really enjoyed this... *HUGS* Take care.
I like the bitter acidic tone to this write. Pull no punches and just let it all go. I especially liked the beginning of this poem, comparing you to a library book brought back. Seems as though the clouds cleared leaving one with the truth. Very good. Carol
This is creepy - I'm not actually a fan of love/hate poems. But, this is quite good.
"that you're done with and didn't particularly enjoy"
Perhaps it's a female thing, but jeez that sounds like it hurts. It's always a great sign when a poem makes you wince. It's like films that make you cry: always the most fondly remembered. Anyhow, it was good.
Ooooh! This is really good! I like the way you tell this person exactly how you feel. I respect someone who speaks their mind so clearly and concise. No bullsh it kinda attitude and that is cool. Even though the description says it is not about your life, I cant help but think that someone helped inspire this in you. It is a sad poem despite all its character and spunk. It is well written and expressed. I couldnt help but smile as I read this, even though it is sad, it is very bold! I like the reference to the library book in the beginning of this poem. In fact, I like all the references you have used to compare to. Great job with this! Take care!
Aww .. i like this. It's so cute, yet sad.. very well put together also, i love the use of words and imagery of clouding your heart and everything. The only question is, why? Why are you asking this guy to forget you?
omg, this is sad. sniff sniff. you write good poems even though you said it wasn't based on anything happening in your life at the moment. i actually thought that you were going through some tough times from a bad break up. i loved how you used actual objects to decribe how you felt.