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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: razor blades are for rookiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poetsoul
    ASL Info:    17/f/cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 109/151/32
    Words: 227
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 189
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1450



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsrazor blades are for rookiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    sex was unconciouse for us,

    and in some sick vile way

    we used it as a way to destroy eachother.

    i closed my eyes the first time with you,

    i couldnt bring myself to look into your empty eyes.

    what could i possibly see...

    all the lies you told about loving me?

    i took your innocence right?

    i will never give you the satisfaction of knowing you took mine.

    innocence is only a story kids,

    made up by the same person who made up heaven and hell.

    people are weak and ungrateful

    we just need something to hold on to

    so we dont feel so pointless.

    wanna know the truth?

    i never loved you

    i never could

    love takes work

    and i was never willing to work for you.

    there is no love at first sight,

    but theres hate in secound glances.

    there was never anything between us but attraction.

    when you held my hand,

    you held on to your fucked up life.

    you could never depend on yourself,

    maybe thats why i was their,

    to keep you sane enough to survive.

    theres never a happy ending

    we allways wanted something more.

    you





    Submitted on 2005-10-28 15:33:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      well I have to say this was not that bad. you had a few good lines but the rest of it seemed shallow and far be it for me to say that humanity is alright cause if u read anything of mine u'll know I just can't believe that is true but this seemed to be making that state worse rather than better. I"m sorry to have to say this because I"m sure it meant something to you but this was pretty much the worst poem I've read for a while ...srry. thnx for trying.
    keep writing
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      1. Be honest.

    It was horrible.

    2. Try not to give only compliments.

    Ok, it was [censored]ty. Giving it a bit TOO much credit there.

    3. How did it make you feel?

    Naseuous

    4. Why did it make you feel that way?

    The poem was littered with emo, I'm emo intolerant.

    5. Which parts?

    I'd say from the first letter down.

    6. What distracted from the piece?

    This piece is a distraction

    7. What was unclear?

    Reading it.

    8. What does it remind you of?

    My toilet bowl after eating a burrito.

    9. How could it be improved?

    Highlight it all, press backspace.

    10. What would you have done differently?

    I wouldn't have written it period.

    11. What was your interpretation of it?

    I can't translate pieces of [censored].

    12. Does it feel original?

    Original like the shades of brown on the wide array of feces in my toilet.
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by Kyeson | [ Reply to This ]



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