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untitled


Author: Flamequill
ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35
Words: 92
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1328
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 613



Description:


I know this is bad but can you tell it's clock? Any feedback would be nice, really.


untitled



I hate this job
all I do is
run around

Of all the times
and all the hours
I hate 12
and all it's powers

It starts the days
and ends the nights
calls to lunch
and starts my frights

I tick I tock
and never rock
I ding I dong
time is too long

You watch for 3:00
to get out of prison
but I wait for
my batteries' death
cuz then I rest
from this run
till you replace
the battery
and restarts all the "fun"




Submitted on 2005-10-28 17:03:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like. :o)

This whole writing thing could be a lot of fun!

Thanks for helpin' me get into the business.

So i think this thing wants me to commment more about your thing.. Well I liked it. Very descriptive. Very you. Nice good. :-)
| Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by AmazingForever | [ Reply to This ]
  pretty good, it's not your best but hey, pretty good. Try elaborating more, your lines are little off. The flow is really screwed but your getting somewhere with this
| Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ]
  You watch for 3:00
to get out of prison
but I wait for
my batteries' death

powerful statement and way to convey sadness (prison) it makes you think of why they arein prison(et cetera)
amber
and Im stalking you O-o
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
  *towards..
and good job by the way i really like this...

i wrote of a clock in class as well

amber (your all knowing, narcisistic pal)
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes and everyone I know this man :)

What a gift you have given the literature world.. lol

will anticipate more.. you draw me thwards the ellusive web :)
ambz
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]


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