[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: Flamequill
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77/97/35
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1280
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 613

       I know this is bad but can you tell it's clock? Any feedback would be nice, really.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I hate this job
    all I do is
    run around

    Of all the times
    and all the hours
    I hate 12
    and all it's powers

    It starts the days
    and ends the nights
    calls to lunch
    and starts my frights

    I tick I tock
    and never rock
    I ding I dong
    time is too long

    You watch for 3:00
    to get out of prison
    but I wait for
    my batteries' death
    cuz then I rest
    from this run
    till you replace
    the battery
    and restarts all the "fun"

    Submitted on 2005-10-28 17:03:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like. :o)

    This whole writing thing could be a lot of fun!

    Thanks for helpin' me get into the business.

    So i think this thing wants me to commment more about your thing.. Well I liked it. Very descriptive. Very you. Nice good. :-)
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by AmazingForever | [ Reply to This ]
      pretty good, it's not your best but hey, pretty good. Try elaborating more, your lines are little off. The flow is really screwed but your getting somewhere with this
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ]
      You watch for 3:00
    to get out of prison
    but I wait for
    my batteries' death

    powerful statement and way to convey sadness (prison) it makes you think of why they arein prison(et cetera)
    and Im stalking you O-o
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
    and good job by the way i really like this...

    i wrote of a clock in class as well

    amber (your all knowing, narcisistic pal)
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes and everyone I know this man :)

    What a gift you have given the literature world.. lol

    will anticipate more.. you draw me thwards the ellusive web :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]