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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flamequill
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77/97/35
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1280
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 613



    Description:
       I know this is bad but can you tell it's clock? Any feedback would be nice, really.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hate this job
    all I do is
    run around

    Of all the times
    and all the hours
    I hate 12
    and all it's powers

    It starts the days
    and ends the nights
    calls to lunch
    and starts my frights

    I tick I tock
    and never rock
    I ding I dong
    time is too long

    You watch for 3:00
    to get out of prison
    but I wait for
    my batteries' death
    cuz then I rest
    from this run
    till you replace
    the battery
    and restarts all the "fun"




    Submitted on 2005-10-28 17:03:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like. :o)

    This whole writing thing could be a lot of fun!

    Thanks for helpin' me get into the business.

    So i think this thing wants me to commment more about your thing.. Well I liked it. Very descriptive. Very you. Nice good. :-)
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by AmazingForever | [ Reply to This ]
      pretty good, it's not your best but hey, pretty good. Try elaborating more, your lines are little off. The flow is really screwed but your getting somewhere with this
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ]
      You watch for 3:00
    to get out of prison
    but I wait for
    my batteries' death

    powerful statement and way to convey sadness (prison) it makes you think of why they arein prison(et cetera)
    amber
    and Im stalking you O-o
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      *towards..
    and good job by the way i really like this...

    i wrote of a clock in class as well

    amber (your all knowing, narcisistic pal)
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes and everyone I know this man :)

    What a gift you have given the literature world.. lol

    will anticipate more.. you draw me thwards the ellusive web :)
    ambz
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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