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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: OrenroccA
    ASL Info:    17/M/Virgina
    Elite Ratio:    2.38 - 29/38/18
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 384
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 418



    Description:
       I wrote this powm about my friend. She killed herself at the start of the school year.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She wakes up to face another day of hell.
    Maybe today her heart won't burn as hot
    Or maybe today her tears won't drown her.
    Maybe today someone will notice that ses's here.
    Or maybe today she'llbe happy again,
    But that would never happen, no one cares.
    Oh how she longs for all these things to come true.
    And maybe someday her dreams will come true.




    Submitted on 2004-04-20 09:18:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm sorry about your friend. but I would make this poem a little longer. and maybe you can change some overused phrases like 'another day of hell'. I like that you tried to feel like her, but it's a bit general. try to make it more personal, more original. it's a good start, it needs just some polishing.
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the idea is good, there are a few words that grate on my nerves because they're over used, again, some spelling and grammar errors, however as Pryncess said it would work well if it was longer. Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      a very emotional read i am sorry to hear about your friend the same happened to my friend she lost her gran to cancer at the beginning of the year.
    welcome to the site and keep writing {kelly}
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by kellz | [ Reply to This ]
      in line four should se's be she's?? and in line five should there be a space between she'll and be? other than that this is pretty cool, i like it i think you could make it longer but its good as is also
    ~*~Pryncess
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      This was what it was, short and straight to the point. Great topic, and great way of bringing a new perspective to the topic.

    Julian
    | Posted on 2004-04-20 00:00:00 | by Nashataku | [ Reply to This ]



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