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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Saimi Marie
    ASL Info:    18/f/Columbia, MO
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 42/42/22
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 781



    Description:
       This is just a little something i've been working on. It is about that moment when you first make a deep connection with someone.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your eyes make me smile
    without words they beckon me
    Now i must go
    Remembering your sad eyes
    Praying tomorrow will come.

    As i walk home i can see your
    eyes following me, watching my
    wvery move. your eyes the color
    of rain drops, bring tears to my eyes
    cause i miss you , i want to be with
    you all the time.

    Each moment that passes it gets
    harder and harder to breathe. You
    are my clean and fresh air. Without
    you it is poluted by outsiders. They
    just don't undrestand this love we have.

    The only happiness i find is with you. i
    crave your presence here and now. So
    leave your dwelling and come to me my
    love.




    Submitted on 2005-10-29 14:11:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with the others. What's here is great, other than a few mispellings that don't take to much from the poem, but there could have been a bit more to it.
    All in all, it's a great read. I liked the way you expressed your feelings, especially in the last stanza. Great stuff.

    Jacob
    | Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by Jacob Seibert | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you should add more to this. It's deep and sweet but I think it's too short and should continue writing it. I can relate to this feeling, though. The eyes tell it all.
    | Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by Mia | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a start of a good poem, maybe you could think about it and add soem more to this one and like toxic says you may get more comments on this piece.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]
      For one thing, this is poetry, not prose, so you might want to change its class of writing. It's short but clean and it suit the topic well. Try making just a bit longer, it might make more people comment. Anyway, good job.
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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