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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Kitedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 866
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 536



    Description:
       A cherry little dity
    Be critical vote please


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Kitedots
    -------------------------------------------


    As it flutters through the sky
    Up it flys so very high
    Into the depth of blue
    That is so unknown to me and you

    As it swoops here and there
    Galloping like a frisky mare
    Dodging in and out of trees
    Knocking down piles of leaves
    as it travels on the breeze

    Whistling with the wind
    As it sings to the sun
    and chatters with the birds

    Until it flutters down to earth
    Down what we see
    Down to you and me





    Submitted on 2005-10-29 16:36:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the introduction, too: "a cherry little dity" If that's typos, they improve the phrase, and if it is deliberate it is brilliant!

    But to be serious, I'm enjoying reading the verseform which you have developed. Your metrical "face" is very recognizable.

    Trying to read some more, before I run out of time. I'll just vote.
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      It was good. I love the detail you put in, all about a kite. Had an awkward ryhme to it. Very imaginiative. Keep writing :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by TwinkleToes | [ Reply to This ]
      hey this is very pretty!
    i have always loved kites
    when i was younger i used to imagine that i was up there flying w/ it...actually i STILL do that (lol)
    which is prolly one of the reasons i like your poem! it shows im NOT the only one who has done that!
    my general rule of thumb=short sweet and to the point
    unless my pen decides otherwise thank-you!
    so dont worry 'bout how long it is! it's what's held within the length that counts!

    btw when sumone gives you their honest opinion and it's not nessacarily(sp?) a good one it mite not be you, maybe it's just not their style. what i do is go 'n read some of their stuff to see where they're comming from then i usually feel better...a lot better! though MOST times i kin seee their point ;)
    but anyway write what pleases YOU...'K?
    good
    keep writttin'
    ~CJ~
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by lastdragon | [ Reply to This ]
      Very descriptive and full of imagery. This was very good and I agree that the length does not matter too much - well done.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't necessarily agree with silent regarding the length of a poem ~ longer is better. I think minimalistic pieces can be powerful and very telling with fewer words to cloud the vision.

    I love the theme for this one - I love kites and wind and I liked how you used it as a colorful "visitor" to you and your love.
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this was ok. I think puntuation would help this tho...and try to make it longer...your poetry seems in general brief and the more the better in a lot of cases:) nice effort.
    Keep writing.
    Peace
    | Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this write
    To me you were referring to how a kite gets to float among the sky closerthen any of us will ever reach in this lifetime to Heaven
    I really liked this
    To me this is very spiritual and carrys true meaning
    Great Job!!!
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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