[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Kitedots

    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 536

       A cherry little dity
    Be critical vote please

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Kitedots

    As it flutters through the sky
    Up it flys so very high
    Into the depth of blue
    That is so unknown to me and you

    As it swoops here and there
    Galloping like a frisky mare
    Dodging in and out of trees
    Knocking down piles of leaves
    as it travels on the breeze

    Whistling with the wind
    As it sings to the sun
    and chatters with the birds

    Until it flutters down to earth
    Down what we see
    Down to you and me

    Submitted on 2005-10-29 16:36:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the introduction, too: "a cherry little dity" If that's typos, they improve the phrase, and if it is deliberate it is brilliant!

    But to be serious, I'm enjoying reading the verseform which you have developed. Your metrical "face" is very recognizable.

    Trying to read some more, before I run out of time. I'll just vote.
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      It was good. I love the detail you put in, all about a kite. Had an awkward ryhme to it. Very imaginiative. Keep writing :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by TwinkleToes | [ Reply to This ]
      hey this is very pretty!
    i have always loved kites
    when i was younger i used to imagine that i was up there flying w/ it...actually i STILL do that (lol)
    which is prolly one of the reasons i like your poem! it shows im NOT the only one who has done that!
    my general rule of thumb=short sweet and to the point
    unless my pen decides otherwise thank-you!
    so dont worry 'bout how long it is! it's what's held within the length that counts!

    btw when sumone gives you their honest opinion and it's not nessacarily(sp?) a good one it mite not be you, maybe it's just not their style. what i do is go 'n read some of their stuff to see where they're comming from then i usually feel better...a lot better! though MOST times i kin seee their point ;)
    but anyway write what pleases YOU...'K?
    keep writttin'
    | Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by lastdragon | [ Reply to This ]
      Very descriptive and full of imagery. This was very good and I agree that the length does not matter too much - well done.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't necessarily agree with silent regarding the length of a poem ~ longer is better. I think minimalistic pieces can be powerful and very telling with fewer words to cloud the vision.

    I love the theme for this one - I love kites and wind and I liked how you used it as a colorful "visitor" to you and your love.
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this was ok. I think puntuation would help this tho...and try to make it longer...your poetry seems in general brief and the more the better in a lot of cases:) nice effort.
    Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this write
    To me you were referring to how a kite gets to float among the sky closerthen any of us will ever reach in this lifetime to Heaven
    I really liked this
    To me this is very spiritual and carrys true meaning
    Great Job!!!
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Summer written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Every..... written by jackz
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Bond written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]