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I know it's missing something i just can't tell what.
Please be criticle.
An angels kiss brushed my cheek
When all in life was looking bleak
to draw me very near
to whisper words into my ear
a secret that all one day should hear.
That from above
God sends his love
we are precious in his sight
saves us from our worthless plight
He showers us with forgiveness and love
That comes to earth like a dove
even though of holiness we fall short
we come to God on last resort
He sent his only son to die
the humans race has gone awry
sins hold on us this does sever
so we can be with him forever
if we accept him as the truth
As we should have in our youth
Eternal life is in our reach
So to others we must teach
the angel whispered in my ear
and just like that he disapeared
Submitted on 2005-10-30 08:23:34
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It was good, but I felt it was too one sided. A lot of he's and not enough I's. It just needs balancing out and it will flow much easier. I found it difficult to read because of this.
| Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by
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I don't think any prayer can ever lack originality and anytime you write about God "ITs" great!
I think it was the structure and just needs a bit of umph to liven up the flow ~ just a few spelling errors which could be typos.
I like the thoughts - so maybe just add some punctuation or some pauses for reflection.
I would try
| Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by
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not to sound like I'm tring to bash it...but this seemed really lacking originality. it just didn't feel like your feeling was totally in it. nice effort
| Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by
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Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
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