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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Angel Kissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 900
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 932



    Description:
       I know it's missing something i just can't tell what.
    Please be criticle.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngel Kissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    An angels kiss brushed my cheek
    When all in life was looking bleak
    to draw me very near
    to whisper words into my ear
    a secret that all one day should hear.

    That from above
    God sends his love
    we are precious in his sight
    saves us from our worthless plight



    He showers us with forgiveness and love
    That comes to earth like a dove
    even though of holiness we fall short
    we come to God on last resort

    He sent his only son to die
    the humans race has gone awry
    sins hold on us this does sever
    so we can be with him forever

    if we accept him as the truth
    As we should have in our youth
    Eternal life is in our reach
    So to others we must teach
    the angel whispered in my ear
    and just like that he disapeared






    Submitted on 2005-10-30 08:23:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It was good, but I felt it was too one sided. A lot of he's and not enough I's. It just needs balancing out and it will flow much easier. I found it difficult to read because of this.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't think any prayer can ever lack originality and anytime you write about God "ITs" great!

    I think it was the structure and just needs a bit of umph to liven up the flow ~ just a few spelling errors which could be typos.

    I like the thoughts - so maybe just add some punctuation or some pauses for reflection.
    Good piece!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif

    I would try
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      not to sound like I'm tring to bash it...but this seemed really lacking originality. it just didn't feel like your feeling was totally in it. nice effort keep writing.
    Peace
    | Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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