Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Angel Kissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 887
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 932



    Description:
       I know it's missing something i just can't tell what.
    Please be criticle.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngel Kissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    An angels kiss brushed my cheek
    When all in life was looking bleak
    to draw me very near
    to whisper words into my ear
    a secret that all one day should hear.

    That from above
    God sends his love
    we are precious in his sight
    saves us from our worthless plight



    He showers us with forgiveness and love
    That comes to earth like a dove
    even though of holiness we fall short
    we come to God on last resort

    He sent his only son to die
    the humans race has gone awry
    sins hold on us this does sever
    so we can be with him forever

    if we accept him as the truth
    As we should have in our youth
    Eternal life is in our reach
    So to others we must teach
    the angel whispered in my ear
    and just like that he disapeared






    Submitted on 2005-10-30 08:23:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It was good, but I felt it was too one sided. A lot of he's and not enough I's. It just needs balancing out and it will flow much easier. I found it difficult to read because of this.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't think any prayer can ever lack originality and anytime you write about God "ITs" great!

    I think it was the structure and just needs a bit of umph to liven up the flow ~ just a few spelling errors which could be typos.

    I like the thoughts - so maybe just add some punctuation or some pauses for reflection.
    Good piece!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif

    I would try
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      not to sound like I'm tring to bash it...but this seemed really lacking originality. it just didn't feel like your feeling was totally in it. nice effort keep writing.
    Peace
    | Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    79283

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Etiquette written by saartha
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Records I written by Raphael
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry