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    dots Submission Name: Cycledots

    Author: StevenJay
    ASL Info:    21, Male, Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 27/36/14
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 599


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    Candles burn
    The fire heats the boy with teary eyes
    Unknown for the fog hides the
    Familiar eyes after the rain
    Lowliness calls
    Between the sinking ships
    As the waves corrupt the peaceful wake
    Upon the summers gaze
    Willows cry
    For years standing still no emotion
    Only the wind to blow away
    The leaves once standing strong
    Autumnís glow
    Memorizing the life before the death
    Winters cold
    White beauty blankets still
    For the fire will burn
    As it heats the boy with teary eyes

    Submitted on 2005-10-30 15:28:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Beautifully written
    I miss dearly the 4 seasons changing like I used to experience growing up in NJ

    Thank you for bringing me back to those times thru your words

    Good Job
    Please if you get a chance take a look at my poetry and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      What a beautiful way to explore the seasonal changes. Your words left behind raw feelings of longing... almost a hunger for the fierce wind of winter to sweep away your misery and pain. I loved the metaphores used to express your feelings of "lowliness"... my favorite lines were "Upon the summers gaze Willows cry"
    The image of wind softy flowing through a field as you hear the sounds of willows crying isa memory I have from my childhood... so maybe I am partial to this peice!
    A beautiful tale of seasons turning... I do believe I may have a new favorite!

    Thanks for the write!
    | Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      Very neatly, nicely done. I can't think of a single thing to change here, you got it right.

    I understand you have another meaning in this than simply the seasons, but I haven't figured it out yet. OK I'm editing this. I'll go for world pollution and global warming...any luck?

    I'll keep trying, though.

    Great Write!

    be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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