Explain the Theory by slntfirflm

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Submission Name: Explain the Theory dots

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Author:	slntfirflm
ASL Info:	16/f
Elite Ratio:	5.77 - 296/327/90
Words:	101

Class/Type:	Poetry/Mirror or Mask
Total Views:	368
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	814

Description:

Explain the Theory dots

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Time to lock the memory box;
forget them, though think timelessly.
Can't escape what has been brought upon,
yet, try and vanish no matter what.

Lay upon the broken chamber,
silent whispers taunt inside.
A new journey will soon begin,
leaving the angry screaming, gone.

Heavens 'can you listen this time'?
begging insanely down the open road.
Yet, no words nor a trace in sight.

Thrash the piercing shrills
confusing stares and haunting laughter.
The soul can not come to understand,
that the burning inside is only......

them

Submitted on 2005-10-30 17:29:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Strong voice arguments and bad memories - the memory box reminds me of Pandora's box in which all the terrible things are locked and your use of the ‘t’ alliteration here is very strong. I really like the sentence ‘begging insanely down the open road’ and the pause before them is also very effective.
Love and peace Comradenessie
| Posted on 2005-11-09 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
  wow i like this one a lot, it reminds me of all the crap that has happened to me this weekend( if you really want to know pm me and i'll explain it all there) ok anyway your poem i love the line

"Time to lock the memory box;
forget them"

and i really like this one because of how true it is, there are many things that we all want to forget or just pretend something didn't happen but there is always someone else that knows what happened and they won't forget(damn those people!)

I also like the lines

"Thrash the piercing shrills
confusing stares and haunting laughter.
The soul can not come to understand,
that the burning inside is only...

them"

and i like these because once again it shows that there is something you want to forget but someone knows and they tell someone and then everyone knows.
I just really like this piece and i will be adding it to my favorites.

~liz~
| Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
  other than what I don’t understand and a few errors, this is one hell of a piece here Jesi! magnificent! I will have to go and pick out a few things.

L2 “forget them, though think timelessly” the “though think timelessly” part I need illumination on. L5 first I have trouble knowing what the broken chamber is. I can guess and say it is a part of the mind. “lay upon in the broken chamber” I have this feeling though it could be wrong that you can take out the “in” otherwise you’ll have to describe laying upon what in the broken chamber? L8 maybe a comma between screaming and gone. L10 “insanly” change to “insanely” the last part though got me real excited about this piece I love every word:

Thrash the piercing shrills
confusing stares and haunting laughter.
The soul can not come to understand,
that the burning inside is only...
them

that is awesome and kicks major a*ss! sorry for not understanding those other parts. this is a very good piece! and fixing it will be excellent!

~mike
| Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]

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