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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Denied Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: juss_kriss
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 404/445/126
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 884
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1362



    Description:
       About me and Robert basically, I don't know what to say about it though...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDenied Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Verse 1:
    As time goes by
    It makes a mark
    Upon us, upon us
    Pushing us apart
    Together we tried
    To make it, to make it
    And as we go on
    We try to hold on
    To each other
    To one another

    Chorus:
    We hold on
    To what we used to have
    As we go on
    Trying to find the right path
    We are blinded
    To what is always there
    What we share
    Is hidden amongst denial
    And we try
    To hide our love

    Verse 2:
    Days passing by
    Nights fading away
    Goodbye, goodbye
    Is what we say
    But what we mean
    Isn't said, isn't said
    Unspoken words
    Meanings unheard
    But it's there
    Yes, it's still there

    Chorus

    Verse 3:
    Days getting longer
    Nights getting harder
    Time's killing us
    Destroying us
    Are we there
    Hidden in secracy
    Away from their eyes
    Our true love stays
    Strong for each other
    Yes, for each other

    Chorus

    Coda:
    Denied love
    Hidden away
    Where it remains
    Forever strong
    Saved for each other
    Though denied
    It's always there
    Our love...for each other




    Submitted on 2005-10-30 18:39:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Great songwriting

    Remember it takes a great poet to create a great song

    It was a little repetitive at times but then I had to realize that was the chorus

    You are very good with writing songs I know one day we are gonna see a post from you telling us you sold your first song

    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree and disagree with my sis on this one lol (babytinkerbelle) I think parts of this are very well written...other parts are very repetitve and overall its distracts me from the great lines that you have written...i had to re-read it a few times to get a good feel for it...but perhaps im just tired...and im a bit of a stickler for not overusing the same words...having said all that i think it is good...perhaps it is something you may work on now or in time...however if you are happy with it as is...then thats all that matters :)...this was my fav part:

    Days passing by
    Nights fading away
    Goodbye, goodbye
    Is what we say
    But what we mean
    Isn't said, isn't said
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is great. The good part was that I actuallyhad a tune in my head for it, I can actually hear it as a song.

    Fantastic work.

    Denied love
    Hidden away
    Where it remains
    Forever strong
    Saved for each other
    Though denied
    It's always there
    Our love...for each other

    I love this part. Keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    9. How could it be improved?
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    79340

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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