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Author: BleedingTears
ASL Info:    16/f/Neverland
Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 418 /289 /62
Words: 168
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1398
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1133


i was thinking about someone that hurt me and everything that had happened to me and was an effect on me. im open for any kinds of comments. i dont care if they're bad, i accept good advice.


They will never forget that one moment
The moment she said good-bye

They will never forget the time
The time she was suffering in pain

They will never forget the person
The person that did this to her

They will never forget the things
The things she did to get better

They will never forget the tears
The tears that drowned the sorrow

They will never forget the words
The words she spoke before she left

They will never forget her love
The love that ruined everything

They will never forget the scream
The scream that echoed for help

They will never forget the scars
The scars that covered her heart

They will never forget the eyes
The eyes that showed the meloncholy

They will never forget the loveless nights
The loveless nights she cried

They will never forget the day
The day that was marked,"The day she died."

This is what people call...suicide

Submitted on 2005-10-30 23:31:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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5: Wow!


  I really enjoyed how you ended a sentence with a word then began the next with that word. That created a unique flow to me. I enjoyed it a lot.


Don't feel the need to comment on my work I'm trying to get to +30 I'd taken a leave from the site for a while and now I'm back to get my reciprocation up. So, don't feel like you have to comment back. I'm just doing everyone a favor. Thanks for the read!
| Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really deep. I like it. The words, the way you wrote the words... it flowed so well... It's so touching. This gave me a vision of my own headstone. You're amazing as a poet. Do not stop writing and showing your creativity. It's amazing. Don't change a thing.

Dark Ainjul
| Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by Ashleigh Mari | [ Reply to This ]
  i disagree with Rain or PolaroidMemory when they say that vit need help in the form/ or that the repition is bad cuz its NOT! i liked it alot. but then again i can relate...
p.s.check out my poems and comment them... :)
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this is really powerful. I like the way you use repetition with "they will never forget," it really enforces the point that when someone kills themself, you really don't ever forget those things.
| Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by Ruby Rivers | [ Reply to This ]
  wow this poem flowed really well, it had a nice touch to it, this bit i liked best.

They will never forget the time
The time she was suffering in pain

it makes you realise that even though the person who died was feeling pain, the ppl around the person were also hurting and are also now scared. exellent
| Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]
  wow...again, another amazing write. The style of it is interesting, it is a bit twisty, yet keeps it simple. Also depressing, but the emotion gives it power. 5 Stars.

| Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a really nice poem.

It think it needs a little help in the form though. Maybe just break it into stanza's, every two lines. That's the only thing that I could see that needed some work.

To the piece its self, very powerful. No one forgets the one who leaves the rest behind. Dieing by ones own hand is a powerful, but weak. Although, sometimes it seems that it's the only way.

| Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem was very interesting, but the repetition of the words made me want to stop reading it.

Maybe if it had more rhyme/rhythm to it, it would draw you into it more.

Other than that, it was really good. I like the creativity. Good job.
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by PolaroidMemory | [ Reply to This ]

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