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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fear of Flyingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 452



    Description:
       This is an observation of the fear (dread, terror?) some people feel toward change, intimacy, success, etc; and how they handle such blessings like hand grenades. I sense this in a friend whose marriage is disintegrating while he holds a remote and ignores the world.


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    dotsFear of Flyingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Does the garland
    terrify? Each accolade's
    anxiety speared
    the bristling
    opal soul with spirited
    insecurities above
    what darkness
    might impose?

    When each 'I do'
    becomes 'I'm done'
    and angels
    cast their
    crowns
    in heaps,
    has the crust
    of some
    romance
    become an
    Oedipal menagerie?




    Submitted on 2005-10-31 09:24:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the second stanza the best, along with all the others the "I do's" to "I'm done" very hard hitting, so many just sit by until it gets to this point, then it's too late to fix. You have quite a vocabulary, that I myself am not used to, tho most words I can look up on my 2.1 Oedipal was not there. can you let me know what it means, I love to learn new words, if only I can retain them, that's the key. Hope your friend puts down the remote, before it is too late.
    ~~tracy
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a nice one. I think it could have been longer, when I read the title a million thoughts argued to get to the front of my mind, but maybe you were right in keeping it brief.

    I especially liked the part:
    "When each 'I do'
    becomes 'I'm done'
    and angels
    cast their
    crowns
    in heaps"

    Beautiful wording.

    Good job you've done with this one,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nicely done! Interesting concept! Taking the first step is always the hardest. Yet, most, seem paralyzed at making that initial move. The rest is downhill, if only we knew that. You've portrayed shyness (fear) very cleverly. My favorite lines are:

    "When each, 'I do'
    becomes 'I'm done'"

    I think this says it all. The fear wells up, to the point of opting to quit. That is in essence, the fear. I also thought the idea of "accolades" causing "insecurities" was original and fresh.

    The only thing I might suggest that you consider changing is the final word "menagerie". I don't see it's relationship to the word "crust" or even "romance". I understand the "Oedipal" inferrance, and even the menegerie (caged animals), but what of "crust"? Maybe this should imply the feared entrapment of a relationship, but more in line with cage or jail as opposed to a "crust".

    Well crafted! Original! The form works, with two stanzas of different fears. The wording, your choice of words, is very inventive. The ideas expressed are fresh and new. This I think hits home with all of us , as we know of no one who is without fear. Great poem! Thanks for letting us read it.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess we all have a bit of that in us, and it's really sad: most people have at least one area of their lives in which they defeat themselves. From the title, I expected this to be about Aviophobia or sex ( la Erica Jong), but I was pleasantly surprised. I really like the image of "the bristling opal soul." This is very well-done, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I really like this. Your wordplay reminds me of cummings, and it's effective. I came to the end and wished there was more. Nice write!

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      I like Lorna said agree that this is a very thought provoking poem
    Change is something ive had a hard time with all throughout life
    It wasnt to about 7 months ago that i finally erased all the demons from inside me and accepted me for who I am


    Great Job with this write
    Keep In Touch
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good thought provoking poem. People dont seem to accept change well. Lots of times they ignore it. They would rather be in denial than face something painful or different. Unfortunately they end up with piles of regret as they look back on their actions or lack thereof once reality has slapped them back into reality. It is a shame that this happens but it seems to be some sort of defense mechanism. This poem is well written and worded with creativity. Maybe you should show this to your friend. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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