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    dots Submission Name: All This Stupid Beautydots

    Author: honus
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 90/96/32
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 633


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll This Stupid Beautydots

    Breathe the small children.
    Rake them into piles
    beneath Autumn's trees.
    leap and crawl through
    their smoky veins with
    the bugs and worms.
    They burn fragrantly,
    alight the dusk,
    flake into embers,
    all this stupid beauty
    broken in a heap.

    Spring will shed something
    new beneath the spot
    where they laughed
    with sugary gasps,
    bled from scabbed knees
    life into the earth,
    vaporized the sky
    leaving Zen beneath
    the snows that will come.
    can tear them from

    Submitted on 2005-10-31 19:34:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Okay, yeah- I'm really, really confused. Could you, like, message me telling me what this whole poem is about? Haha, 'cause I don't have a clue. Ehh. I feel dumb, but this is gonna bother the crap outta me if I don't know. Thanks! Maybe then I'll come back and comment your poem properly, and give it the time it deserves [but I really dont know, do I, 'cause I don't even understand it! Ahh!]

    -confused.. T o x i c R o s e
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm just going to say what I think it means, though it may not match the intended affect.
    "Breathe the small children"
    I'm almost stumped. Breathe in the scent of innocence?

    All this stupid beauty. Stupid, meaning delirious? Wild beauty?

    Nothing can tear them from now. They are completely caught up in the moment, making it last forever, being young forever?

    Whatever it means, it was breath of fresh Autumn air for me. Lovely in a very different way. Thank you !
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      "Breathe the small children" That's a very captivating line. It was a different view of something that could have been cliché. The first stanza is really easy to follow. The simplicity of it:

    crawl through
    their smoky veins with
    the bugs and worms.

    makes me wonder about this turn you take into the second part with "all this stupid beauty." I'm confused on what your subject's become - "they" who laugh, or the leaves you were describing before. These images need a focus, like the beginning:

    bled from scabbed knees
    life into the earth,
    vaporized the sky
    leaving Zen beneath

    And then there is that switch between fall to spring to winter (or at least that's what I got from it). I think you need to find a focus. It will make it as strong as the first part. Hope I helped.

    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by themime | [ Reply to This ]
      Magnificent. Simply magnificent. The fragility of youth is captured brilliantly in:

    They burn fragrantly,
    alight the dusk,
    flake into embers,

    All this stupid beauty, indeed... I love how you contrasted them to the autumn trees, then took it forward to the echoing sugary gasps, folding back into the earth itself, but the imprint of them in this time, their time, is eternal... Fave. I absolutely love it.
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]

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