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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: tears like blooddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dismal_s child
    ASL Info:    19/F/On A Carousel
    Elite Ratio:    3.24 - 451/419/172
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Rant/Depressed
    Total Views: 821
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 739



    Description:
       as it says tears like blood escape from my eyes


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstears like blooddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tears like blood wont get out and then oxygen hits them and the acid leaves hot trails down my high cheek bones of which I’m sure everyone sees and as all watch me cry I wonder just how are my bodily fluids escaping down each cheek good for me would it be good for me if I cut off an arm and I bled? How is such logic true? These tears like blood flow slower as your raging voice dies down but still flows as you cry “you are a failure!” and sayings as “you will not make it!” it is so harsh but if what you say is reality than these tears like blood will not stop but eventually slow to the steady drip drop of a leaky faucet. Who said Shakespeare knew more pain? Or that Poe knew madness? Or that I am condemned to a life of these tears?




    Submitted on 2005-11-01 05:45:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I appreciate your thoughts here and can see a progression that makes sense. I feel like there are places that could be taken out if you want this to stand as poetry, but that is up to you. Form is a succinct way that poetry is designated to enter the mind, and if you think of this as you edit, exactly the right ideas will pull into stanzas.

    And then the run-on feel of this has an urgency to it. Thanks for sharing your write,

    nansofast
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good vent. I think you have done a good job at expressing your feelings in this write. I think we all have times in our lives when we feel this way. Life certainly isnt easy and some people in the world can be so cruel and insensitive. Never believe someone who talks badly about you. Most people who say mean things are merely trying to make themselves feel better about themselves. You know the kind of person you are and as long as you like you, that is really all that matters. Writing is a wonderful way of expressing your feelings and it really does help you to feel a little bit better. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      don't worry, Sugarplum, Momma's keeping score, and when the time comes they will regret causing even one tear to fall from your eyes. the reason that they are so critical of you, is that they wish that they had just one tiny ounce of your intellegence and ability, those petty jealous Neanderthals! don't let them drag you down to thier level, you're worth one hundred of them. you are perfection itself, and they are merely peasants. keep studying because success is the best revenge. college will help you to escape thier clutches. trust me.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      Very stream of conciousness, Care. Don't let anyone tell you that you're a failure. You are a beuatiful and talented girl. You are my angel/devil (whichever you prefer) I know you will be a grand success, I love you so much and miss you. Tell Rae I love her, too. It will get better for you baby.

    Love,

    Dad
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by His Assholiness | [ Reply to This ]
      i can understand your depresion and why you wrote it, but some of it is clumped together and hazy. try to space out and explain it. you need to use more punctuation to seperate the senances.
    J_A
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by Judging Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry you feel this way, but trust me when I say it will get better. Don't condem me for these words, for one of my poems, "Make Them Proud", is about the same exact thing.

    Don't give up,
    ~Sephe~
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]


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