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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Time of Discoverydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dycrain
    ASL Info:    56/F/U.S.A.
    Elite Ratio:    7.33 - 51/54/19
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 599
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1349



    Description:
       I was looking for a rested mind to continue with the work I had to finish.
    I am looking for an honest opinion. Is this poem one that you would want to see published, if it was yours? If published, is this a poem you would want to stop and read? Is this a poem you would change in any way?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime of Discoverydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Doldrums of life, desperate for time away.
    Some call it vacation, others holiday.
    Complete exhaustion of body and mind.
    Vacation is here, what shall we find?

    Rest and reflect, time to recover.
    Grand and beautiful, about to discover.
    Look, the forest, not just a tree.
    Clearly, standing in the land of the free.

    Majestic purple mountains, in awe do see.
    Lush, verdant valley's reaching forever, out to thee.
    Flat plains nestled against soft rolling hills.
    Azure canopy, abundant with rain, falling as God wills.

    America's people, most native here.
    Others arrive devoid of old fear.
    Colors as differing as there are creeds.
    Combination, exactly, waht this great nation needs.

    Various customs and cultures, a true delight.
    Differing is what makes this nation a wonderous might.
    A melting pot, in amazement to see.
    Filled with the bold, land of the free.

    My country, U.S.A., many nations now rebuke.
    Belief, the world could be better, if she received a nuke.
    To thee, my country, God's grace shall be.
    Thank you, Lord, for the forest, and not just a tree.

    (pending)
    Yvonne Marie Crain
    June 29, 2005




    Submitted on 2005-11-01 06:34:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a piece that I could see being published and read - the love of god, man & country was felt and potrayed well. I liked a lot of your lines, like, "Rest and reflect, time to recover.
    Grand and beautiful, about to discover.
    Look, the forest, not just a tree.
    Clearly, standing in the land of the free." I loved also - "I'm glad I saw the forest & not just one tree".
    I will check out more of your pieces and I also stopped writing in my first marriage and have since resumed...thankfully!
    Blessed day!
    Love,Peace,Joy ~ Know,Experience,BE!
    tif
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there Yvonne! nice work you have here. I think that you have done a wonderful job here showing your love of country, this should be published in a magazine about the U.S. so many people down on it right now. The 'nuked' line, I wasn't too sure about at first, but i reread it and i think that its good! I have posted here some poems, thanks for letting me know of this site!~~tracy
    | Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this very much. I think it was very well written.
    An an answer to your question, I would like to see this published. It is better then some poems I have read in bookstores.
    You really pointed out what makes this country what is it.
    I love the travel, you really brought out the beatuty of the land.
    Also, you brought out how the people here come from so many different places. So many different backgrounds make up the people in the US.
    That really makes us different from every other place, because rarly do you see a little bit of it all in one place.
    I think that this poem would get my attention as it did here.
    you did a wonderful job
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice poem. It definitely portrays your pride to be an American. It speaks very well about our most wonderful country. And this kinda reminds me of a vacation where you rent a big winnabago and go driving across country checking out all of nature's beauty, absorbing serenity and finding peace. I, personally, enjoy road trips. You really get to appreciate just how big this country is and see all its beauty first hand. I dont think I see anything here I would change in this poem. It is nicely written and filled with wonderful imagery. And the final stanza is a great way to sum up this entire poem. Very nice! Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    79489

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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