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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Traindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AlabamaFarmGirl
    ASL Info:    50/F/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 518/333/26
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 1341
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758



    Description:
       I'm just trying this non-rhyming and haven't a clue if I'm anywhere close. Just giving it a shot.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Traindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sitting beside the railroad
    Watching a train load
    At a plant nearby
    Becoming very alert
    As the whistle starts to blow
    Knowing it's ready to go
    Warning all in it's path
    Speed picking up
    As it goes faster and faster
    Trying so hard
    Just to reach it's destination
    Life in itself
    Is like that old train
    Living in a rush
    Ignoring all around
    Picking up speed
    We go much to fast
    Unable to go back
    So stop and pause
    Ask yourself why
    Enjoy your life
    It fades much to soon
    Like that old train
    It will soon disappear
    That is when the end is near








    Submitted on 2005-11-01 17:31:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked this work a lot. i completely understood the meaning of the old train to things that can fade away fast. the meaning was clear and the work was great. congrats on a job well done
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by buffaloman | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic reminder here of life and its tracks into eternity. When you here the whistle grab your bags and get ready huh?
    There is an old abandoned set of tracks just up on the ridge left over from the coal age when mining was prominent here. I will miss the sound of the whistle too, I can even remember the smoke from the old steam engine that puffed its way north. The smoke might linger for hours after he was long gone.
    Have you ever seen those memories for real?
    You have a lot more trains in the south, and I wish you might route one my direction some day.
    Oh, thats right, you just did and I need to thank you a whole bunch for the nice ride!
    Thanks again Linda.
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      OOH, a write that speaks of wisdom in life.

    Very well put. I like writes that tend to guide and teach.

    At first I got to ride the train and then some wisdom for me to gain.

    Nicely penned here.

    As you can guess I have been reading your writes tonight. I think it is because I have had such a good day with plenty of time to do what I want. Oh, and I like your writes too. TEE HEE

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Nicely done, Linda

    I liked your comparison between the train and life, and how so many simply keep going faster, kind of a 'stop and smell the roses" message.

    I did like your absence of rhyme, rhyming couplets are very hard to get away with, and can sound forced...this didn't sound forced at all.

    I liked it a lot

    well done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an excellent poem. It seems like life is whizzing by and we are just watching it go by.Think how much better life would be if we slowed down and looked at what we did and admire others work. Sometimes it feels like we are watching life in fast forward . Your poem gives a good point of view. And comes from an excellent preception.
    We just need to stop and smell the roses.
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by smartblond | [ Reply to This ]
      Seems to me like time goes by faster every day. The older I get the faster time goes by just like that ole freight train pick'n up speed.
    I enjoyed read'n your poem and I think you did a nice job composing it.
    !doc`
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      The comparison of life being a train is an interesting concept. I thought you approached it well and your descriptive prowess and imagery was good.

    Some of the lines actually did rhyme and some did not.

    I am such a rhyming nut
    As I'm sure you are aware
    I aways try to find the rhyme
    No matter when or where

    If I cannot find it easily
    I'll try and try again
    Cause I always strive to find the rhyme
    No matter where or when

    I feel you are quite similar
    With words that match so well
    Like walking - talking - birds are squaking
    In the deepest dell

    You talent is quite admirable
    So when you pick up your pen
    Always try to find the rhyme
    No matter where or when
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      A very good write cleverly wordedto match the train with life

    I think you said the message perfectly

    It is so true that we only have a little time on this planet so we have to enjoy it before it goes away

    Great Write
    Ron

    And thanks for your comments
    I Always like hearing from you as you are so positive of a person
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one. Comparing life to a train is really good. We all move through life too fast, and if we could only slow it down a bit, then that would be wonderful...but then again, not reality. And knowing my luck, it would slow down at the worst time and I would wish it was going really fast again. haha! I think you have done a really good job with this one. It is always wonderful to try a different style then what you are used to, it helps give your writings depth and character by giving some differentiation between them. I see nothing here I would change. This is good and would enjoy more of this style from you as much as I enjoy everything else you have written. Always a pleasure! Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is nicely done.

    I feel your emotions and see the images clearly.

    I like it as is, but if you want to play with the form here are a few ideas.

    What happens if you move the last part to the first and then use the train as a vision of reflecting on those ideas?

    You might also try intermingling the life lesson lines with the train images. It would add a bit of insecurity to the reader and let them bounce back and forth from the internal and external images. Sort of showing that they are different versions of the same thing.

    Again, this is just fine the way it is. However one of the pleasures of getting your poetic license is the ability to take joy rides and be playful.

    Good job.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      A good blend of rhyme and non. You shouldn't compromise your style, but I think you have started out well trying this one on for a fit.
    In this poem you start out with a statement, actually drawing a scene for us. Then you go on to put in an explanation. I'd try doing some pieces that avoid the explanation. First, you never know what someone else might take from your work, even something you didn't intend. There also can be multiple meanings woven in on purpose, or subconsciously on your part. Good luck, I hope you'll continue in this vein,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem. I totally agree. We go through life way too fast. We need to slow down and notice the simple things.
    I like the referral of the train.. and the moral to this poem is one we all need to heed.
    A writer sees the world differently.. such as you do here.. while watching the train. Things speak to you in various ways once you start writing about them.
    I enjoyed this read. . and the meaning behind it.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this one is pretty good. i personally like poems that rhyme but i thought this one doesn't need it. i agree. sometimes life moves so fast we don't have a chance to sit back and enjoy our surroundings. we have to run full speed just to keep up with our own lives.
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]


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