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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breathlessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ruby Rivers
    ASL Info:    16/f/nowhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.16 - 31/36/10
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 853
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 408



    Description:
       This is one of my favorites that I've written. Tell me what you think and what I can improve on.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreathlessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like a blow to the
    Stomach, you leave me breathless,
    And I gasp in vain.

    With a blade at my
    Wrist, cold metal; silently,
    I'm screaming your name.

    Your absence is like
    Winter's chill winds, biting my
    Flesh straight to the bone;

    And leaving my heart
    To freeze over, bitterly
    Lost, breathless, alone.




    Submitted on 2005-11-01 19:52:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Cold feelings come from this. I like what you had to say! This could be the start of a good book.
    Well if you get a chance come read some of my stuff and tell me what you thinkok?
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      that was good, u wrote it like u meant it. i like it when ppl write poems which are easy to relate to, i'm going 2 go and read your other poem.
    ...i go peek a boo...
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]
      that made me breathless!! it was pretty short but you have said enough. that was great and deep. i really felt it and like it. that was a great write. keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]


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    79561

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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