Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pillow of Feardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Desi
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 210/151/34
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 972
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 589



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPillow of Feardots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just a kid growing up,
    house, white picket fence,
    neighbors all about.

    No one hears,
    the cries and screams
    then muted sounds of a
    battered mothers
    pain?

    Someone does,
    from under a pillow
    muffled sounds
    of a child weeping
    and afraid.

    Wanting to help,
    to make it stop.
    Frozen in time,
    not wanting to hear,
    my dear Mother's tears.

    I lay under my pillow
    of fear.










    Submitted on 2005-11-01 19:58:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is neat. I'm going to read over this like several times before a full comment. (I almost always have to do that, especially with stuff I like in particular. )
    | Posted on 2010-09-07 00:00:00 | by coloredstone | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry to hear of your anguish. Hope it hasn't ruined your life. You've expressed the "pain" suffered by more than just the victim, but by children who witness it, and you've done it in an original way. This is different than the usual "abuse" poem. You give it from the child's point of view, and show how they suffer too. Your "Pillow of Fear" becomes a symbol, for the quiet endurance of pain-filled children's hearts.

    Favorite lines:

    "Someone does,
    from under a pillow"

    This is the center of this poem. The witness is terrified too. The pain spreads to all involved. A very fresh approach to showing the nastiness that is spousal abuse. Thanks for posting it.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this was well written.
    you really portrayed the feelings well, very sad.
    I really liked how you used the pillow as the basis for the write, very creative as silentdeath said.

    'No one hears,
    the cries and screams
    then muted sounds of a
    battered mother’s
    pain?'

    I think this was the best part..
    you talk about a normal place with people all around, yet no one can hear?
    It is sad.

    You did a great job on this, very touching.
    take care
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      I cannot even imagine the pain.

    You primarily use the auditory sense, and I think that focusing on hearing, and nothing else, really brought out a strength and an emotion in this poem.
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a good topic that really doens't get enough attention for how much of a problem it is...my ex-BF's dad was pretty much the same way...:( only he got in the way...when he was 4. but this was very descriptive and full of emotion and imagry...good use of the whole pillow idea...very creative:) keep writing.
    good write.
    Peace
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    79562

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Midwinter Madness written by Passionbyapathy
    Harbinger written by expiring_touch
    Taking Over Me written by ForgottenGraves
    I didn't Fall in Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Self written by jackz
    Carolina Blue written by Chelebel
    My Face written by my shadow
    View written by saartha
    In this life so empty written by keestu
    Spectrum Of Reality written by Daniel Barlow
    Waning Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Desayuno Serenade written by krs3332003
    The Docile and the Damned written by Passionbyapathy
    The Light in this Room written by lori_tab
    Eternal Lives written by Ramneet
    Tender Bites written by Chelebel
    Coexists written by Soulraven
    If I Fail written by hybridsongwrite
    Crescent Moon written by annie0888
    Pajarita written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What if written by Chelebel
    đŸ’¯ written by Chelebel
    Labor Power written by NoMartyr
    Aspen in Winter written by annie0888
    I'm a Premadonna written by Chelebel
    Distant written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unflappable Volcanic Waves of Unwitting Consciousn written by Ethan Brody
    Sand Size Speck written by Chelebel
    Life without fear written by Ramneet
    Kissing Eva written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry