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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alonesomenightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LucyDiamond
    ASL Info:    17/F/Sky
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 365/575/251
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 1371
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 897



    Description:
       Just a reflection on....how I like to be alone sometime.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlonesomenightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My mood is hanging over a blazing fire
    I知 being burnt as I try to get higher
    As I finally reach the oxygen filled breeze
    I close my eyes...sigh. I can finally breathe.
    The stars are drawing me to their light
    The silence is peace, and here I am-
    Alonesomenight.

    My eyes open as I level the setting sun
    I can finally be me, alone as one
    The air is the only thing between love and I
    I知 closer to reaching it as I drift into the sky
    Silently smiling at me, the moon, so bright
    Twinkles are in the blackness, with me-
    Alonesomenight.

    I致e almost reached my destination
    As long as I hang onto my imagination
    I知 happy and sad being quite alone
    I live in a house and I want a home
    To be without is to be alright
    I知 all by myself-
    Alonesomenight.




    Submitted on 2005-11-01 22:51:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like your format of this its alittle diffrent and I would like to hear it read to a beat. I dont know if thats what it was ment for. So I guess it would sound good if u put it over a beat.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      Oops. I DO get impatient... I seem to have posted not one, not two, but THREE comments. And this is my fourth. Ehh.

    My bad.

    -T o x i c R o s e

    =]
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      A favorite.

    =]

    Your format is... rather unique. I've always loved your writing- it's hard to critique because it seems to me that if I altered it, the meaning and message behind the words would be shifted into something totally different. Some poems are to be smashed to bits by merciless critiquing, yet others are simply to be admired and to be given advice upon. This is one of the latter.

    Try to expound on your meanings... on a scale of one to ten on the 'deepness' scale, this one is about a five. Try to reach a ten- reach out with your words and grab the reader's heart.

    My eyes open as I level the setting sun
    I can finally be me, alone as one
    The air is the only thing between love and I
    I知 closer to reaching it as I drift into the sky
    Silently smiling at me, the moon, so bright
    Twinkles are in the blackness, with me-
    Alonesomenight.

    My favorite stanza by far- so much emotion. In this poem, I imagined you not as a body, but as a soul... like those thingys in the third Harry Potter when the dementors suck out a person's soul- those little light orbs. =P I can imagine you as one of those, floating, falling upwards into the sunset and towards the stars...

    I'm getting quite sentimental. Ehh.

    Anyways, good job and a job well done.

    -T o x i c R o s e
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      A favorite.

    =]

    Your format is... rather unique. I've always loved your writing- it's hard to critique because it seems to me that if I altered it, the meaning and message behind the words would be shifted into something totally different. Some poems are to be smashed to bits by merciless critiquing, yet others are simply to be admired and to be given advice upon. This is one of the latter.

    Try to expound on your meanings... on a scale of one to ten on the 'deepness' scale, this one is about a five. Try to reach a ten- reach out with your words and grab the reader's heart.

    My eyes open as I level the setting sun
    I can finally be me, alone as one
    The air is the only thing between love and I
    I知 closer to reaching it as I drift into the sky
    Silently smiling at me, the moon, so bright
    Twinkles are in the blackness, with me-
    Alonesomenight.

    My favorite stanza by far- so much emotion. In this poem, I imagined you not as a body, but as a soul... like those thingys in the third Harry Potter when the dementors suck out a person's soul- those little light orbs. =P I can imagine you as one of those, floating, falling upwards into the sunset and towards the stars...

    I'm getting quite sentimental. Ehh.

    Anyways, good job and a job well done.

    -T o x i c R o s e
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      A favorite.

    =]

    Your format is... rather unique. I've always loved your writing- it's hard to critique because it seems to me that if I altered it, the meaning and message behind the words would be shifted into something totally different. Some poems are to be smashed to bits by merciless critiquing, yet others are simply to be admired and to be given advice upon. This is one of the latter.

    Try to expound on your meanings... on a scale of one to ten on the 'deepness' scale, this one is about a five. Try to reach a ten- reach out with your words and grab the reader's heart.

    My eyes open as I level the setting sun
    I can finally be me, alone as one
    The air is the only thing between love and I
    I知 closer to reaching it as I drift into the sky
    Silently smiling at me, the moon, so bright
    Twinkles are in the blackness, with me-
    Alonesomenight.

    My favorite stanza by far- so much emotion. In this poem, I imagined you not as a body, but as a soul... like those thingys in the third Harry Potter when the dementors suck out a person's soul- those little light orbs. =P I can imagine you as one of those, floating, falling upwards into the sunset and towards the stars...

    I'm getting quite sentimental. Ehh.

    Anyways, good job and a job well done.

    -T o x i c R o s e
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      This a very clever and well-crafted poem, with the rhyme scheme and the ambigous compound of 'Alonesomenight.' Even though I don't write it myself I have a lot of admiration for classical poetry, especailly when it's dealing with classical themes such as loneliness.
    In the first stanza you repeat 'finally' when you don't need to because people already now that, if the whole situation has come after much striving, so has the breath. It might be better rendered:

    My mood is hanging over a blazing fire
    I知 being burnt as I try to get higher
    As I finally reach the oxygen filled breeze
    I close my eyes...sigh. I can breathe.
    The stars are drawing me to their light
    The silence is peace, and here I am-
    Alonesomenight.

    In both classical and modern poetry ing's are seen as unpoetic so you might edit some of them, also, your cleverness might be lost on many people since your poetry lines are so long that you cannot savour the individual images. I'd prefer to see:

    My mood hangs over a blazing fire
    I burn as I try to get higher.
    As I finally reach
    the oxygen filled breeze
    I close my eyes...sigh. I can breathe.
    The stars draw me to their light
    The silence is peace, and here I am-
    Alonesomenight.


    My eyes open as I level the setting sun

    I'm not quite sure what you mean here and it might need expansion, but it evokes some exquisite images in my mind. You squinting until your eyes level the setting sun with the horizon. You standing at the level of the sun on the horizon.
    You need to work on punctuation since the poem is quite hard to read. Also its are substitutes to nouns so you should probably use the noun instead. Perhaps:

    My eyes open as I level the setting sun
    I can finally be me, alone as one.
    The air is the only thing between love and I
    I知 closer to love, as I drift into the sky
    Silently smiling at me,
    the moon so bright
    Twinkles are in the blackness, with me-
    Alonesomenight.

    The end is very true and poignant. I've gone without a lot in the past but that was alright, but, so I've been told, when a house only seems a house and not a home, it's pure torture because of the lonesomeness. This is a great work that with a little edit could be even better, to have written it shows a lot of writerly talent.
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice poem. I love the moon and stars and one of my most favorite things to do is stargaze, especially this time of the year. The autumn air is so crisp and clean it just brings out the skies beauty and brilliance more so than any other time of year. The rhyme throughout this poem is consistent and not excessive. The story you tell is a soothing one. Being alone is indeed nice sometimes. Allows you to reflect and think without being disrupted. However, being alone too much can also be very lonely. You have expressed your feelings well in this poem. Nice job. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem, very descriptive in an attention grabbing way. Your feelings are well thought out and accessible to most readers. I personally know how important it is to be alone. Everyone needs time to reflect, to think about days past and moments lived. No one around to bother you or interrupt your thinking, it gives you a chance understand who you are a little better. Being alone is very important sometimes, for the right reasons. For example if a person stays alone out of self-pity or wants others to notice they are gone is usually the wrong reason. To escape from the normal confrontations to better grasp life and it's beauty, which you described so well, is the perfect reason. This was very pleasant to read since I can relate and understand. Very well done, thank you for this poem.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by crowded_mind | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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