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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: I_Bleed_Ink
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 182/176/52
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 343
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1090



    Description:
       we all have our problems, no one's family is perfect....get over it, people!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    How deep does your rage,
    Self-contained on the page,
    ever fully express
    the fear and distress
    of a life strung in the gallows
    drifting far from the shallow
    w
      a t
       e r s?

    It seems to me
    that in all your monotony
    you forgot what it is like
    to be like Mike--
    to shoot for those stars
    and drive fancy sports cars.
    All you want to do lately
    is bitch and complain daily
    about your troubled childhood,
    wondering why no one understood
    y   o    u.

    It’s not that I don’t care
    Or don’t have memories to share,
    I'm not taking this lightly
    but the same song nightly
    is really pissing me off
    so listen while I whisper this soft...
    I really don't give a shit--
    get
        r
       e  i
      v   t
     O     !!





    Submitted on 2005-11-02 11:35:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I have never been a fan of rhymeing, especially in a vent type poem. I always felt a vent was sort of loose and putting it into form subtracts from that feeling, but the way you did it really pulls it together! The way you wrote the rhyming sort of feels not like it was imposed on the piece, but like it just sort of came together. I love how it seems so blunt and honest, and I really can't find any part to complain about. The only thing that I didn't get was the way you wrote waters, you, and over it - I couldn't quite tell what you were implying with this technique.
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by Starless Knight | [ Reply to This ]
      Someone had the balls to say what I couldnt! Congrats on that by the way... I absolutley agree that while the occassional vent poem is healing ans at times a pleasure to read it seems as though the youth of this nation had become consumed with misery and self loathing... what is going on here! I am not saying that every teen should have a wonderful childhood but there is so much more to life than high school and your cerrent love... which by the way will more than likely change tomorrow!

    My one wish for the future adults in this country... look around, see the beauty that surrounds you, there is so much to be thankful for. Ok so your home life sucks... but that is not permanent life always gets better and we are never dealt more than we can handle... I know cliché, but true! Life goes on people come in and out of our lives and we are always a better person for the battle and struggle we call adolesence!

    Thanks for the write... I am beginning to feel like a self pity teen again, ranting away... so now I will stop!
    Ella
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]


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