Description: OK, another attempt. I took a look at "On the Front Porch With Starch, and felt there was one too many metaphorical themes going through. Of course we have the guilt of a spouse finding out certain indescretions, but trying to merge both themes of music and food on top of it was a bit too much for the poem's size. So, here we go: a simplified version.
Dinner's in the Oven -------------------------------------------
He brought home guilt
in a cardboard box,
disguised as red beans and rice.
for once standing famished,
met him at the door
with filets of splintered mirrors
in her eyes.
Wasted promises sautéed blandly
side to hostile side,
serving hundreds of gray afternoons,
days that came together all at once,
then and there,
in a banquet of what home promised to be.
Thousands of him caught
the sourness in her palate,
with millions more awaiting
behind kitchen doors for their
She let him stew in his manhood,
of ragged plaid,
of blaming desserts,
resting on a solitary course of apology.
i liked it a lot..my fav part would have to be "with filets of splintered mirrors in her eyes."..that part sorta hit me and i could see it..the metaphors were awsome..love and food=almost perfect..they go well together..the flow was also really good..i enjoyed it..keep up the awsome work
Nothing like when there is trouble on the homefront! Usaully, I rarely get people who use a ton of metaphors...but I get this. I think you captured the down trodden of the man and detahedness of the woman. She comes off cold and pisses him off, he feels unappreciated and he comes off as cold, because he shuts het out and she withdrawn inside even futher, seeming judgemental. I've kinda had them kind of nights before. This was great use of metophors about food and the kicthen. I thougroughly loved this.
This is interesting. The metaphors you use here are very good, the use of food and terminology of cooking is well presented to identify his not so faithful attributes. I wonder if maybe too many metaphors are used and maybe you could elaborate more on a couple to place some emphasis on your point. Overall this is very well written and worded but there doesnt seem to be much emotion in a piece that should be dripping with it. A very interesting write. Take care.
Hey my Friend This really captivated me Using food something we have to have every day in reference to love was perfect I really enjoyed reasding this write You put the two together perfectly Great Job Ron
And thanks for your recent comments I try to capitalize some words that standout on a poem so they draw the reader into the emotion im trying to express Take Care Ron
Well. well; a man stewing in the juices he'd hoped would appease his wife. For dessert she may serve him some Exlax brownies or a skillet in the head. Then again, if she's a master of retributive psychology, she'll do nothing, and the silence will be a slow, rhythmic death similar to a day with the inlaws.