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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dinner's in the Ovendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cigarz
    ASL Info:    35/M/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 258/183/50
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 838



    Description:
       OK, another attempt. I took a look at "On the Front Porch With Starch, and felt there was one too many metaphorical themes going through. Of course we have the guilt of a spouse finding out certain indescretions, but trying to merge both themes of music and food on top of it was a bit too much for the poem's size. So, here we go: a simplified version.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDinner's in the Ovendots
    -------------------------------------------


    He brought home guilt
    in a cardboard box,
    disguised as red beans and rice.
    She,
    for once standing famished,
    met him at the door
    with filets of splintered mirrors
    in her eyes.
    Wasted promises sautéed blandly
    side to hostile side,
    serving hundreds of gray afternoons,
    days that came together all at once,
    then and there,
    in a banquet of what home promised to be.
    Thousands of him caught
    the sourness in her palate,
    with millions more awaiting
    behind kitchen doors for their
    presentation.
    She let him stew in his manhood,
    savoring shreds
    of ragged plaid,
    his tastes
    simplified as
    rehearsed recipes
    of blaming desserts,
    resting on a solitary course of apology.




    Submitted on 2005-11-02 13:39:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it a lot..my fav part would have to be "with filets of splintered mirrors
    in her eyes."..that part sorta hit me and i could see it..the metaphors were awsome..love and food=almost perfect..they go well together..the flow was also really good..i enjoyed it..keep up the awsome work

    -Lucy-
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      Nothing like when there is trouble on the homefront! Usaully, I rarely get people who use a ton of metaphors...but I get this. I think you captured the down trodden of the man and detahedness of the woman. She comes off cold and pisses him off, he feels unappreciated and he comes off as cold, because he shuts het out and she withdrawn inside even futher, seeming judgemental. I've kinda had them kind of nights before. This was great use of metophors about food and the kicthen. I thougroughly loved this.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is interesting. The metaphors you use here are very good, the use of food and terminology of cooking is well presented to identify his not so faithful attributes. I wonder if maybe too many metaphors are used and maybe you could elaborate more on a couple to place some emphasis on your point. Overall this is very well written and worded but there doesnt seem to be much emotion in a piece that should be dripping with it. A very interesting write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I like where you are going with this. It is a great snapshot of a relationship.

    I wonder about the consistency of the metaphors. Maybe it is just me, but they don't seem to flow or fit together very well in my mind.

    It might be a simple as separating them into separate verses and letting each stand on its own as a mini poem.

    I do like it and think you brought out a lot of feelings to which we can all relate.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey my Friend
    This really captivated me
    Using food something we have to have every day in reference to love was perfect
    I really enjoyed reasding this write
    You put the two together perfectly
    Great Job
    Ron

    And thanks for your recent comments
    I try to capitalize some words that standout on a poem so they draw the reader into the emotion im trying to express
    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Well. well; a man stewing in the juices he'd hoped would appease his wife. For dessert she may serve him some Exlax brownies or a skillet in the head. Then again, if she's a master of retributive psychology, she'll do nothing, and the silence will be a slow, rhythmic death similar to a day with the inlaws.
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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