Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Spin, Spindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 983



    Description:
       Started thinking about Jessie. Wrote this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpin, Spindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her mouth opens for the pills.
    Her skin bleeds for the knife.
    Her body is weary with the bruises
    It has taken in this life.

    Her hands take what she wants.
    Her skin shudders at a touch.
    She never knew that growing up
    Could ever hurt this much.

    Her bracelets cover her scars.
    Her words hide the pain.
    She reads books about mental disorders
    So she won't go insane.

    Her parents are lost in alcohol.
    Her brother, in his own mind.
    She takes her refuge in her writing.
    She gets whatever comfort she can find.

    She's trying to improve herself.
    She's trying to clear her mind.
    She twirls around an empty room
    To a song from a better time.

    She's taking off her cloak of shame.
    Her skin is coming clean.
    She knows that better things await.
    You see, she's only fourteen.




    Submitted on 2005-11-03 09:05:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Awwww... Raivn...I loved this so so much...every thing here was so accurate...the part about reading books about mental disorders so I wont go insane...that ment a lot to me...I started crying half way through this poem...The ending though...it made me smile...it made me proud also...I am stopping all of that...I am glad I can...I'm changing my life for the better...I am glad that you recognise that...Thankyou so very very much for the poem Raivn...I loves you...

    ...jessie...
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      was an enjoyable read.ryme and format was flawless if thats important 2 you.
    u painted a picture nicely with great imagery.its sad that we grow up way 2 fast because of other inadequaties.peoples selfishness is to blame=god help us all.
    talent u posses=i think ya already know

    thanks for getting 2 know u


    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      You absolutely captured her perfectly...I especially liked the part about her listening to music from another time...I love her so much she is such and inspiration to me...but hey don't worry you are too ;)

    this was awesome

    Jazmine
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This feels like a companion piece to your other post about emotional coldness and emptiness. However, as sad as this tragedy is, it seems much more hopeful in its concluding lines as she 'takes off her cloak of shame' for the purpose of embracing her muse. Only someone who's been this desparate can know the comfort and release words can provide.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh man its always sad when 14 year olds get this way... hell its always sad when anyone gets this way... I should know...

    I can agree with 90% of this poem.. and relate it to my own life... ugh... depression but very good...

    Excellent write
    -Alli
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Childoutspoken | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    79726

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Love written by saartha
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry