Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

untitled


Author: Poeticprincess
ASL Info:    18/f/Germany
Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 333 /325 /104
Words: 68
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 541
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 444



Description:


okay one for future prefrence while reading this...i'm black so yea black girls don't get offended. And to bum rush is to brush off or brush aside. and it took forever for me to figure out how to spell annihilation, so..yea. lol. Anyways i want to know what you thought of it so....tell me what you think. oh and anyone what should i name it?


untitled



My rap, my words
uspoken and unheard
bum rushed into annihilation,
overcome by civilation
as big as the length of time that flies
more numorous then political lies
like a child born to my life it's so naive
and even faker than a black girls weave
something so touched with a hiphop vibe
worth more than a million lies
my rap, my words
unspoken yet still unheard




Submitted on 2005-11-03 13:06:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  It wasn't that clear. What was it about? You had a few weak analogies. Needs much improvement. The line that doesn't make sense, even to a fellow poet, is "unspoken yet unheard"... If it's unspoken, of course it is unheard. Try to fix that. This is all my opinion of course. I'm trying not to offend you. I'm just a very blunt person. Keep trying.

Always,
Dark Ainjul
| Posted on 2005-11-09 00:00:00 | by Ashleigh Mari | [ Reply to This ]
  this is hip hop poetry at its finest. i think the title should be unspoken yet still unheard. sometimes when i can't think of a title, i'll pick a favorite phrase or line from the write and make it the title. don't make fun of the weave. that's not nice. i like the line about the political lies. that was a good punchline. peace.
| Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  expand your vision with more visuals but keep the beat it is cool that way i think i would put unspoken yet still hered to give a little mystery
i am not telling you to do that but i think that would go well
| Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by papalegba | [ Reply to This ]
  i feel it was to short and i felt i needed to hear it with musick it made me tap my foot to a hidden beat .good i think if it were to music that some great person would pick it up
| Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by papalegba | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



79756