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Author: Poeticprincess ASL Info:    18/f/Germany Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 333 /325 /104 Words: 68

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 585 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 444

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untitled

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My rap, my words uspoken and unheard bum rushed into annihilation, overcome by civilation as big as the length of time that flies more numorous then political lies like a child born to my life it's so naive and even faker than a black girls weave something so touched with a hiphop vibe worth more than a million lies my rap, my words unspoken yet still unheard

Submitted on 2005-11-03 13:06:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

It wasn't that clear. What was it about? You had a few weak analogies. Needs much improvement. The line that doesn't make sense, even to a fellow poet, is "unspoken yet unheard"... If it's unspoken, of course it is unheard. Try to fix that. This is all my opinion of course. I'm trying not to offend you. I'm just a very blunt person. Keep trying. Always, Dark Ainjul

| Posted on 2005-11-09 00:00:00 | by Ashleigh Mari | [ Reply to This ]

this is hip hop poetry at its finest. i think the title should be unspoken yet still unheard. sometimes when i can't think of a title, i'll pick a favorite phrase or line from the write and make it the title. don't make fun of the weave. that's not nice. i like the line about the political lies. that was a good punchline. peace.

| Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]

expand your vision with more visuals but keep the beat it is cool that way i think i would put unspoken yet still hered to give a little mystery i am not telling you to do that but i think that would go well

| Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by papalegba | [ Reply to This ]

i feel it was to short and i felt i needed to hear it with musick it made me tap my foot to a hidden beat .good i think if it were to music that some great person would pick it up

| Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by papalegba | [ Reply to This ]

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