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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Xdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Podenco del infierno
    ASL Info:    19/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 205/195/38
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 904
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 526



    Description:
       This is about how when you feel wrong and want to give up, how one would have someone there that you love to take that pain away...Well.......I don't know....What do you think of it? I think it kind of sucks....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsXdots
    -------------------------------------------


    X me...
    Cut me...
    Life's mistake...
    X me.
    Wrong answer on this test,
    The test of life...
    X me...
    X me knife,
    Exist in me death,
    Exit me,
    Blood.
    X...
    Exhale,
    Dead air.
    Pain....
    Do not exist....
    Do not punish...
    Extreme though,
    My love for you...
    I,
    For you...
    Exist for me....
    Sex
    X
    X
    X
    Exist in me love,
    Exist in me...
    Life.




    Submitted on 2005-11-03 15:52:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's interesting... the title drew me to it to be honest. But, overall I have to agree with your description of it - "It kind of sucks" about sums it up there.

    I didn't really like it at all and found the content to be repetitive and overused throughout this genre of writing. In all there was a lack of content, I found that there was nothing really here in this poem to think about, which I found disappointing.

    Not one of your best pieces, but you do have some greats ^_^

    ~ Aj
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by The Seraphim | [ Reply to This ]
      ok first of all i would like to congratulate you on a good attempt. i did not particularly like this work. i do not know whether it was the overly used letter, x, or something else. personally, i would scrap this poem and move on to bigger and better things.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by buffaloman | [ Reply to This ]
      The usage of 'X' was original but the subject matter was not, in my opinion. I have to agree with Alia with her comment on the repetition and unnecessary usage of ellipses.. it didn't work for me either.

    Life, knife, death, blood, dead, pain, punish, love - too many words that have been overkilled already. And you managed to shove it all in one poem.

    But this is just my sh.itty opinion. I think you could expand upon this with metaphors and allusions in mind to transform this piece into something with a bit more 'oomph' to it, don't you think?

    Perhaps it's just the subject matter that gets to me. I've seen too many poems like this. And it's depressing, which is the feeling you wanted to invoke. So that worked out. But yea.

    Peace,
    Jase
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting poem from you. It is a good expression of your feelings and how someone in your life can make all the difference in how you feel about yourself and your life. Love is a powerful thing and can give you strength when otherwise you wouldnt have the strength. Love is something we should all experience and appreciate. This poem really has a lot of deep emotions felt with your words. I dont think this sucks. This is good. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting, very abstract though...which i kinda like...it leaves more room for interpretation...the only thing i don't like is the line 'x me knife' it doens't seem to flow well and feels pretty awkward, but besides that i like the way it all sounds when you read it, the visions i get when i read it, ...anyway keep up the great work
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]


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