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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last One Standingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 622
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 628



    Description:
       Everyone in my old neighborhood moved out and when I go there every year everyone knows me because they heard what I have done and everyone respects me because I am the only one that ever goes back and carry on the souls of those lost while I was there


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast One Standingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    One day walking along
    Singing to myself the little song
    My eyes closed by myself alone
    Speaking in a broken tone

    Millions of memories thrown
    Shocked as if I just saw my clone
    Came to my mind the night of fear
    Something that drew to my eye a tear

    Snapped out of that moment
    Looked around feeling the torment
    Everything destroyed and burned
    Jaw dropped to the floor stunned

    Everything was gone
    The world exploding like a bomb
    But still standing there I was
    The only survivor, Bringing everything back




    Submitted on 2005-11-03 16:12:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      makes me think about goin back into the ghetto. everyone knows that Detroit is a bad city and has the number 2 death rate but it doesn't make it any less sadder when you go back and see it torn, burned and boarded up. thank you for writing this because its nice to see someone who's still standing.
    Later Dayz Maliki
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by MalikiDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      This is another good write. I like the bit of rhyme in this. Though, a sad situation to find yourself in.. standing there alone..remembering those who were lost, who are now gone. I think you brought that out well enough for us to understand the meaning to this write. .
    I can see you walking down your old street singing, and then being overcome with the sadness of it all.
    Nice write!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think with the comment and the poem it makes a very profound statement. You can never go back to what once was, you must stay focused on what will be and try to make the best out of what has been lost. learn from everyones mistakes not just your own, and bring some back out of the gloom with you. try to help as many as you can on your way out of the bottom. unlike the others, i like the tone of the poem, i think it shows how necessary it is to know where you are, and then the slow of the ending emphasizes this point. well done poet friend!~~tracy
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good heartfelt poem. It is weird how things always change no matter what happens. Change is the one thing that remains constant. This poem expresses some good emotions and some insight into what you have experienced. It is nice too, that you keep in touch with the life you used to know, and return there every so often. It sounds like a difficult time in your life but also like you had some dear friends there too. Nice poem. Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the poem but it seemed that finding rythming words took away from the emotion. as i read it, i went faster and faster like on the old willy wonka movie when they were in the boat. i was concentrating on the words rather than the message.
    punn
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by punn | [ Reply to This ]
      A very nice piece. I enjoyed it regardless of how short it was. I'm sorry about what happened to your neighbourhood, but you have to stay standing, not only to be a beacon of influence for others to follow but also because in the end, with life, you're either standing or lying broken on the ground at the mercy of fate.

    I'm glad you chose to stay standing, it is the hardest times in life that determine who we are at heart.

    Also a very good read. It was short and to the point. I must say the flow wavered a bit and the rhyming seems to restrict your wording, or your wording restricted the rhyme. You decide which. All in all, a great piece. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it's about time you got a comment, sorry I didn't get to you sooner, lol. I think this is an interesting poem. The simile comparing the world to a bomb quickly reminded me that humans are destroying the world (since bombs are not found in nature, which Earth was intentended to be). And maybe I'm digging too deep and am completely missing the point, because I'm not sure why you said "Shocked as if I just saw my clone", it almost seems as though it was all you could think of that rhymed with "Thrown". As far as suggestions go, I would really have liked to know why you were the only survivor, it compells me to think that it was mere luck, and it would make for another interesting part of the poem.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Cetilearo | [ Reply to This ]
      I didnt read your other comments so if i'm repeating something sorry...

    I liked this off beat fast paced post...it had me feeling like i was sitting in a dark smoked filled lounge watching you on stage with a mic...

    and how right you are in the message that nothing stays the same yet in a way everything still remains...

    Tina the ghetto ballerina
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


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