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Eternal


Author: sunnyrain
ASL Info:    16.f.wa.
Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 21 /35 /6
Words: 215
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 682
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1399



Description:


To a friend who made all the difference. A poem after ups and downs and lots of lessons. Now I know that he's not going anywhere. The first phrases of this one went down in July.. it's HARD to put a friendship, and a person, like this into words. To TFP.. thanks for everything.


Eternal



I was once but a doubtful little girl
If we'd only known the light you'd soon bring
Somehow, and still, you truly care for me
Along you came-
the one who changed everything.

A hundred days alone and I am older
I just want to show you how I've grown
Let's revisit where we once said goodbye.

Just ask me and I'll sing for you
Bring back your songs, my tears, our laughter
Let's reach for the sun, way up high.

But this time, when kindness falls like rain
Our walls begin to wash away
Let's leave our shells behind and fly.

Sometimes I'm drowning in your sea
I held things in, you held the door for me
I want to soar gazing in your eyes.

Thanks for your patience.

Though we're not often together
We live on in our sunny sky
I know you won't slip through my hands
I won't let our memories die.

Joyous, with you, happiness lasts
Perfect in the wake of our smiles
I hope you see that we've done it
Carved our names in impossible time.

Together, forever golden
I feel your presence in my dreams
Here, your voice echoes eternal
I will see you always in me.

-To TFP




Submitted on 2005-11-03 21:52:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Well, I am completely biased on this one, for i hate TFP, you annoy me, and the poem is too long. So, get rid of the TFP, make it shorter, and dont annoy me so much, and i'll give you some real feedback.
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Sephiroth | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. Three [well, if you wanna be nit picky, like I know you are, it's only TWO letters] letters says it all- Wow. Seriously. I totally agree with Deep Dreamer- it's the emotion, the feel, behind the words that makes poetry so rad. Yours, especially. Hah, you haven't posted since May! Whereas me, I post about once a week.. Anyways. I'm not even gonna bother to comment much about the content- you already know what I think. Instead, I'll focus on the conventions.

Your format is.. interesting. At first it threw me off, but then I started to like it- at least you didn't use the all to common four line, abab stanza. heh. I use that one often. But the thing about all your poems is that they're original in style. Topic is a different thing- you take all the clichés and make them fit your mood.

Ehh.. and I have to go.
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. Three [well, if you wanna be nit picky, like I know you are, it's only TWO letters] letters says it all- Wow. Seriously. I totally agree with Deep Dreamer- it's the emotion, the feel, behind the words that makes poetry so rad. Yours, especially. Hah, you haven't posted since May! Whereas me, I post about once a week.. Anyways. I'm not even gonna bother to comment much about the content- you already know what I think. Instead, I'll focus on the conventions.

Your format is.. interesting. At first it threw me off, but then I started to like it- at least you didn't use the all to common four line, abab stanza. heh. I use that one often. But the thing about all your poems is that they're original in style. Topic is a different thing- you take all the clichés and make them fit your mood.

Ehh.. and I have to go.
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. Three [well, if you wanna be nit picky, like I know you are, it's only TWO letters] letters says it all- Wow. Seriously. I totally agree with Deep Dreamer- it's the emotion, the feel, behind the words that makes poetry so rad. Yours, especially. Hah, you haven't posted since May! Whereas me, I post about once a week.. Anyways. I'm not even gonna bother to comment much about the content- you already know what I think. Instead, I'll focus on the conventions.

Your format is.. interesting. At first it threw me off, but then I started to like it- at least you didn't use the all to common four line, abab stanza. heh. I use that one often. But the thing about all your poems is that they're original in style. Topic is a different thing- you take all the clichés and make them fit your mood.

Ehh.. and I have to go.
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very nice heartfelt poem. How wonderful to have such a friend in your life and what a great way to express your feelings to this person. Dedication poems always have so much meaning and significance because they are motivated by someone. Friendship is so important in our lives and to have someone to lean on for strength and comfort is priceless. Someone to create memories with and always have the comfort of knowing they are always there for you is wonderful. This is lovely. You have done a good job of expressing your feelings and appreciation with this poem. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with the previous comment in that the beautiful of the poem is the sanctity and emotion of friendship, especially friends when we are in most need. It works because these are words many can relate to, you can read it and picture that friend who was there for you.

But, I thought the latter half of the poem was not as well composed as the beginning. I would have cut it off at "Thanks for your patience.". This does not need the length to be powerful, which is often in my mind a sign of something heartfully written. Truly, it is just my opinion. Nice job.
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by waffuru | [ Reply to This ]
  At times what makes poetry beautiful is not the flow, the wording, the rhyme, or the topic. It's the truth behind the words. The emotion between the lines. This is a heartfelt piece that I would not ever think of breaking down by commenting on flow, or put a price to by advising you on wording. I realise it has taken alot of time and effort to write this piece, and it requires such time and effort when dealing with feelings we mean. I'm glad that you understand the importance of friendship and have valued that of your friend's enough to put it into poetry. A very good piece - never be discouraged to write about true feelings.
| Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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