Missing Home -------------------------------------------
Sitting in her den feeling all alone
Wanting so bad to go back home
Days were affected, nights no sleep
Her loneliness was running really deep
She felt like a stranger in a foreign land
Needing only a touch of a caring hand
Heart was burdened, weighed down so
No where to turn, no where to go
How could he see her hurt in this way?
Knowing she never wanted to stay
Just wanted to go back home again
To be with her family and her friends
Thinking of once where she had been
Set her face into a memory grin
Remembering a beautiful country side
Watching the children on bikes ride
All would go fishing at a local pond
Listening to her daughter and her son
Been months since she's been gone
Never had she felt so all alone
Just wanting to go back home...
This was a beautiful poem about longing to be back home. Although I never was forced to live away from home I have beeen at a point where I wish I could go back home. the feeling and memories that were expressed were a very powerful part of this poem I believ that I will add this to my favs. Come check out my poems I think you will like them.
Maybe it's because I spent too much time on the road, away from home, that this poem seemed real to me. I've had those same feelings, of wanting to go back. It must be a universal sense to want to belong, to be part of a whole, a culture, a family...a home. You've divulged that part of your being in this poem. The reader can sense the longing, the emotion. If I said anything to help improve on this, it would be to avoid using "so" and "really" as adjectives, but use something more descriptive. The reader cannot discern the difference between "bad" and "so bad" or "really bad".
I enjoyed this. It brought back memories of times when I was separated from loved ones. Nice poem.
I've read several of your pieces this afternoon and I really like a lot of things in your work. You choose your words well, so things don't get monotonous. Your language is clear and your points are well versed. Most importantly, you're not afraid to tell us how you feel and to share your feelings, happy or sad, with us.
I wonder though, if you've considered varying your form a bit. All of your work that I've read follows a basic 8 to 12 syllable pattern, often with couplet rhymes. There are a lot of times when that's the perfect form, particularly if you're expressing friendship and love, if you're just being lighthearted or if you're writing children's verse.
Sometimes though, there are other forms that carry more emotional impact, at least to me. This piece is well written, but I think we miss a little bit of your great thoughts in the almost sing song rhythm. Sometimes free verse can be a very powerful way to express fear or loneliness. It gives you the ability to force a reader to focus on certain points. Freed of word counts and rhymes, you can also explore the entire vocabulary of the language.
Compare: "Days were affected, nights no sleep Her loneliness was running really deep" With: "Days of tearful, random memories, Nights of tortured dreams on tearstained pillows." (I'm being way overdramatic, but I've only got a second)
Don't get me wrong, your poem is really good as it stands, but I think a little more exploration will make your poetry even better.
First, welcom back. This write evokes feelings of a deep longing in me. To go home and once again see what what was left behind. I aslo get a feeling of being driven away, not by choice. There is some real powerful emotions here. You keep the reader longing to hear more. After I finished reading it I wanted to go back and reread it. I want ed to find more within the write.
Nice write that rewards the reader within.
I am no stranger to hotel stays. I spend endless hours and days away from home and I miss my family every minute I am away.
even though you want to you can never really go home to what it was, but if you do go back you have a new chance to make new memories maybe even make happier ones. just remember home is where your heart is, you can make home where you want it.
Linda this is a very good heartfelt poem about homesickness. Something I have felt myself in the past and it is a real bummer! It just feels like a pit in your stomach, a longing for that feeling that no other place can give you. I can imagine, since you live on a farm, that being away from there is really hard. Gee, lets see...a hotel room...a farm...yeah big similarity there huh? haha! This is a very nicely written poem. Very good expression of your feelings throught and give a true sense of longing to the reader. Great job! Take care.
I can understand the "longing for home" in this poem. The empty feeling of having to leave all those you've been around for a lifetime. You've brought out the emotions in a deep and heartfelt way. And, as others have said, "good poem". ~Sandra
This poem kinda hit a soft spot in me 'cause I sometimes wish I could go back home,but, know it will never happen. (Long Story) I think this is well written and I did so enjoy reading it. I'm gonna have to keep an eye on your work because I've liked what I have read so far. Thanks for sharing this... !doc`
Alabama girl, your rhyme was spot on and the story you told was very evocative and tugged at my heart strings. They say that 'home is where the heart is' but also 'the heart is where home is. A lovely write once again - you are very good you know !
I really like this one It describes my life to a tee I to have this yearning to return home to where my mother is at and see the place where I grew up This is a very Good write
The answer to your question about healing is all thru life I have let the negativity control bringing me into a very powerful addiction that literlly almost destroyed me I turned away from evreyone and anything for 5 years Not talking to anyone no family no friends no one That is when God came back into my life again People say to me didnt YOU find God and I say No God has always been with me ive just been to stubborn to let his Love guide me I am at Peace for the First time in 5 years My family is still with me and the Lord is always in my Heart Guiding me against any and all obstacles I want you to know your caring made me cry It showed me that people care And that the World is not such a Cold place after all God Bless You Ron
this one was kinda sad. i'm away from home too. i lived in new orleans but i've relocated to texas becuz of katrina. but yours seems different. we were both forced from homes, but i still have my family around me. well some of it at least. oh...i'm sorry, i've been talking about me. u really did use great images like the children riding bikes and the pond. it just seemed to hurt the character even more becuz she could remember it all so clearly but do nothing about it.
Awwww...poor girl. How sad. I have been on both sides of her spectrum and neither one is comforting no matter how much we say it is. But you can either mend a broken home or build a new one. I liked the imagery you have here, it catapults the emotions even higher, but heck...thats prob'ly cuz I was born a country boy myself. Have a good one and keep smilin'
this piece actually brought tears to my eyes but also reminded me of my times when i was traveling. when it seemed like the entire world was done and gone, somehow we always find a way to make it through the worst and are either stronger or enriched in someway as a person because of it. very well written.