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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Missing Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AlabamaFarmGirl
    ASL Info:    50/F/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 518/333/26
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1239
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 919



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMissing Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sitting in her den feeling all alone
    Wanting so bad to go back home
    Days were affected, nights no sleep
    Her loneliness was running really deep
    She felt like a stranger in a foreign land
    Needing only a touch of a caring hand
    Heart was burdened, weighed down so
    No where to turn, no where to go
    How could he see her hurt in this way?
    Knowing she never wanted to stay
    Just wanted to go back home again
    To be with her family and her friends
    Thinking of once where she had been
    Set her face into a memory grin
    Remembering a beautiful country side
    Watching the children on bikes ride
    All would go fishing at a local pond
    Listening to her daughter and her son
    Been months since she's been gone
    Never had she felt so all alone
    Just wanting to go back home...






    Submitted on 2005-11-04 08:27:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a beautiful poem about longing to be back home. Although I never was forced to live away from home I have beeen at a point where I wish I could go back home. the feeling and memories that were expressed were a very powerful part of this poem I believ that I will add this to my favs. Come check out my poems I think you will like them.

    much LOVE
    James
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi,

    this is one of my favourite types of poem...homesickness and nostalgia ahoy!

    I have to say there are one or two things I would change though, minor things...

    i'd lose the word "was" on the 4th line...
    maybe the line "needing only a touch from a caring hand" would flow better if it was something like "longing for the touch of a caring hand".

    just a couple of minor suggestions, i like this poem though, don't get me wrong.
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      Maybe it's because I spent too much time on the road, away from home, that this poem seemed real to me. I've had those same feelings, of wanting to go back. It must be a universal sense to want to belong, to be part of a whole, a culture, a family...a home. You've divulged that part of your being in this poem. The reader can sense the longing, the emotion. If I said anything to help improve on this, it would be to avoid using "so" and "really" as adjectives, but use something more descriptive. The reader cannot discern the difference between "bad" and "so bad" or "really bad".

    I enjoyed this. It brought back memories of times when I was separated from loved ones. Nice poem.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem definitly made me feel sad. Lot of emotion hidden in there. I haven't been there...but I can definitly imagine how it would feel. *sniffle* =*( Anywayz...I'm off to read more of your work!

    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read several of your pieces this afternoon and I really like a lot of things in your work. You choose your words well, so things don't get monotonous. Your language is clear and your points are well versed. Most importantly, you're not afraid to tell us how you feel and to share your feelings, happy or sad, with us.

    I wonder though, if you've considered varying your form a bit. All of your work that I've read follows a basic 8 to 12 syllable pattern, often with couplet rhymes. There are a lot of times when that's the perfect form, particularly if you're expressing friendship and love, if you're just being lighthearted or if you're writing children's verse.

    Sometimes though, there are other forms that carry more emotional impact, at least to me. This piece is well written, but I think we miss a little bit of your great thoughts in the almost sing song rhythm. Sometimes free verse can be a very powerful way to express fear or loneliness. It gives you the ability to force a reader to focus on certain points. Freed of word counts and rhymes, you can also explore the entire vocabulary of the language.

    Compare:
    "Days were affected, nights no sleep
    Her loneliness was running really deep"
    With:
    "Days of tearful, random memories,
    Nights of tortured dreams on tearstained pillows."
    (I'm being way overdramatic, but I've only got a second)

    Don't get me wrong, your poem is really good as it stands, but I think a little more exploration will make your poetry even better.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      First, welcom back.
    This write evokes feelings of a deep longing in me. To go home and once again see what what was left behind. I aslo get a feeling of being driven away, not by choice.
    There is some real powerful emotions here. You keep the reader longing to hear more.
    After I finished reading it I wanted to go back and reread it. I want ed to find more within the write.

    Nice write that rewards the reader within.

    I am no stranger to hotel stays. I spend endless hours and days away from home and I miss my family every minute I am away.

    Again Welcome back

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2005-11-16 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a sad but pretty poem - you are a really goos writer Linda!
    So, why are you gonna be away for a few days? I hope everything's ok... I'll miss you! Hurry back!
    | Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      even though you want to you can never really go home to what it was, but if you do go back you have a new chance to make new memories maybe even make happier ones. just remember home is where your heart is, you can make home where you want it.
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by ryuunokanojo | [ Reply to This ]
      Linda this is a very good heartfelt poem about homesickness. Something I have felt myself in the past and it is a real bummer! It just feels like a pit in your stomach, a longing for that feeling that no other place can give you. I can imagine, since you live on a farm, that being away from there is really hard. Gee, lets see...a hotel room...a farm...yeah big similarity there huh? haha! This is a very nicely written poem. Very good expression of your feelings throught and give a true sense of longing to the reader. Great job! Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I can understand the "longing for home" in this poem. The empty feeling of having to leave all those you've been around for a lifetime.
    You've brought out the emotions in a deep and heartfelt way.
    And, as others have said, "good poem".
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem kinda hit a soft spot in me 'cause I sometimes wish I could go back home,but, know it will never happen. (Long Story)
    I think this is well written and I did so enjoy reading it. I'm gonna have to keep an eye on your work because I've liked what I have read so far.
    Thanks for sharing this...
    !doc`
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Alabama girl, your rhyme was spot on and the story you told was very evocative and tugged at my heart strings. They say that 'home is where the heart is' but also 'the heart is where home is. A lovely write once again - you are very good you know !
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one
    It describes my life to a tee
    I to have this yearning to return home to where my mother is at and see the place where I grew up
    This is a very Good write

    The answer to your question about healing is all thru life I have let the negativity control bringing me into a very powerful addiction that literlly almost destroyed me
    I turned away from evreyone and anything for 5 years
    Not talking to anyone no family no friends no one
    That is when God came back into my life again
    People say to me didnt YOU find God and I say No God has always been with me ive just been to stubborn to let his Love guide me
    I am at Peace for the First time in 5 years
    My family is still with me and the Lord is always in my Heart
    Guiding me against any and all obstacles
    I want you to know your caring made me cry
    It showed me that people care
    And that the World is not such a Cold place after all
    God Bless You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      this one was kinda sad. i'm away from home too. i lived in new orleans but i've relocated to texas becuz of katrina. but yours seems different. we were both forced from homes, but i still have my family around me. well some of it at least. oh...i'm sorry, i've been talking about me. u really did use great images like the children riding bikes and the pond. it just seemed to hurt the character even more becuz she could remember it all so clearly but do nothing about it.
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      that is a good poem it makes me miss my home also.
    im so tired of being away from home that reading your poem actually makes me feel a little bit better
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Angel McCalmon | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwww...poor girl. How sad. I have been on both sides of her spectrum and neither one is comforting no matter how much we say it is. But you can either mend a broken home or build a new one. I liked the imagery you have here, it catapults the emotions even higher, but heck...thats prob'ly cuz I was born a country boy myself. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece actually brought tears to my eyes but also reminded me of my times when i was traveling. when it seemed like the entire world was done and gone, somehow we always find a way to make it through the worst and are either stronger or enriched in someway as a person because of it. very well written.
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]


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