Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Touchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 709
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 961



    Description:
       Started thinking about how all these tiny touches and kisses mean so much to me, but nothing to him.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTouchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's just a little touch.
    Your fingers brush against mine.
    This innocent contact is merely coincidence,
    Yet it happens all the time.

    It's just a little touch.
    You tug on a strand of my hair.
    It's all just fun and games.
    I really shouldn't care.

    It's just a little touch.
    Your hand tweaks my nose.
    It's just a show of affection.
    It's alright, I suppose.

    It's just a little touch.
    Your lips brush my cheek.
    Then you kiss my mouth,
    That little touch that makes me weak.

    It's just a little touch.
    You put my hand in that place.
    And as I move up and down
    I see the pleasure on your face.

    I should put my thoughts aside.
    It doesn't mean that much.
    You presence makes my heart race,
    But it's just a little touch.




    Submitted on 2005-11-04 10:22:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Just a little touch.....


    But, isn't it wonderful what just a little touch can cause. *Sighs*

    *Shakes head* Ooops, sorry mind drifted. Hehe. -_o

    It was a well-written piece, you appear to have something very special. Hold onto it.

    PS: Don't feel the need to comment on my work I'm trying to get to +30 I'd taken a leave from the site for a while and now I'm back to get my reciprocation up. So, don't feel like you have to comment back. I'm just doing everyone a favor. Thanks for the read!

    BCute<3
    | Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      That was a great poem. It showed how the simplist touch could do so much and mean so much to one person. A lot of people will be able to relate to this, I know I can.
    "It's just a little touch.
    Your fingers brush against mine.
    This innocent contact is merely coincidence,
    Yet it happens all the time.

    It's just a little touch.
    You tug on a strand of my hair.
    It's all just fun and games.
    I really shouldn't care.

    It's just a little touch.
    Your hand tweaks my nose.
    It's just a show of affection.
    It's alright, I suppose.

    It's just a little touch.
    Your lips brush my cheek.
    Then you kiss my mouth,
    That little touch that makes me weak."
    These are my favorite stanzas, they stood out to me the most because I can really relate to them. I know exactly what you were feeling. This part made me smile:
    "It's just a little touch.
    You put my hand in that place.
    And as I move up and down
    I see the pleasure on your face."
    Innocent pleasure, described perfectly. Not overdone or anything. Great write!
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was great, it relates to alot of people, I wrote a poem along the same lines as this "This is Love" If you care to read it.

    I like how simply you put this and still managed to make it so clear the way you feel when he touches you. Would you mind if I show my boyfriend this as it is exactly how I feel when he touches me.

    Excellent job

    Lynda
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]
      [censored]en awesome, describing how it grows, how a simple touch, maybe a coincidence, can mean so much
    and dont most of them do, i know for me they do, always hoping to get to the next level, always starting with just a little touch
    keep it up
    Caio
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by ctsilva | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautiful and well written...I can reallly relate as I'm sure alot of people can...how even being with the person means alot to you...none the less holding hands...or as u reffered to more;) I have to say though it may do more good than not to remove the line "and as it strokes up and down" I get the point but it just doesn't fit together with the whole thing as well as the rest of it does. I also know how if feels to seem like the only one who floats on air from those simple, "Little touches"...it sucks to feel as if your boyfriend doesn't notice or care doesn't it? anyway this was a very nicely written piece. I enjoyed reading it...am going to add it to my favs...there was something about it that just struck me the rite way anyway keep writing.
    Peace
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well this was lovely...i mena you know how I feel about thinking about touches and stuff but I really really liked this...it seems like it goes beyond the normal OMFG he touched me thing sp thats cool/
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      ...interesting...i know the feeling of how the simple things just make it that much of a big thign...like a kiss in the rain, holdig hands on the couch, just a look from the corner of the eye...all the little things...i really did like this peice, the only things i have to say is about this:

    It's just a little touch.
    Your lips brush my cheek.
    Then you kiss my mouth,
    That little touch that makes me weak.

    that last line doesn't work with this, not to me anyway.Maybe soemthing like this:

    It's just a little touch
    Your lips brush my cheek
    Then you kiss my mouth
    Making me more than weak...

    that sucked...well, i think you might get it, adding "that little touch" in the last line kind of trips it up and ruins the flow. That's the onyl things, kudos to you.
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
      Very touching
    simply escalating from the first brush of fingers to the fulll blown exctasy the simplistic and yet complex style of repetition works to entic the reader whilst the slow continuation down the theme works well to enrapture them
    I would advise changing the line

    And as it strokes up and down

    because it doesnt fit in with the word flow very well
    other then that fantastic

    xxAngelxx
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by The_Angelic_Dea | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    79871

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry