Shadows by jessie thomas

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Shadows dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	jessie thomas
ASL Info:	17/F/Alabama
Elite Ratio:	4.16 - 297/332/75
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	286
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	678

Description:
I dunno...tell me what you think

Shadows

-------------------------------------------

Stepping into the shadows
With no one seeming to care
And searching for a person
That was always dancing there

She's doing pirouettes
While waiting to be found
Until at last she's fallen
And laying on the ground

She's staring into nothing
And singing absently
But there's no one there to listen
Or hear her silent plea

And she only wants to dance again
In the place she used to be
Before she came into the shadows
Before she came into me

....Sage Unadorned......

Submitted on 2005-11-04 16:13:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This is wonderful. What is meant by sage unadorned at the end of the piece though or was that there by some mistake. I love reading your work. The pictures you paint are like the ones that a ttempt to but can't quit manage.
Lotta Lovin'
Mike
| Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
  This is beautiful. Your writing has reached a completely new level, one that is dark and spiritual, and all around lovely. I really like this piece, you brought out the beauty of this hopelessness and vacancy. This is my favorite part:

And she only wants to dance again
In the place she used to be

Don't we all?
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed reading it. I think you have real writing potental. I mean yea you are a poet, but not many poets have the potential to be GREAT. And you seem to have that potential that thing. That "It". Something that people are born with. like i said i enjoyed reading this one.

~~Danni~~
| Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
  oooo weee Jessie, I like this new taste here. you are hitting my dark side ha ha ok lets see about this one.

st1 I like the entrance into the shadows in the first stanza and how you have set up the scene. saying more or less F it I’m going in because no one cares anyway. very good illustration of mood, state of mind, and direction. the person in the shadows is for now a mystery but I will jump out on a limb (I’m known for doing that) and say it is the alter ego/darker nature.

st2 the ballet feel here is quite lovely I find it so irresistibly in good taste to mix darkness with a little beauty to make it so much more lovely, wouldn’t you agree?

st3 I would take the "but" out of the third line it seems so unnecessary for it. with no one to listen or hear her plea she lays and sings… I’m not sure about “absently” hmm “woefully” sounds much better but that is always your choice, you are the writer, I’m just dirt on a demon’s toe nail

st4 the end verse is so very nice and sad at the same time to dance again but somewhere where it is pure again before the walking in shadows before the darkness present within.

overall: I like your new direction and you words are so rhythmic much better than I could achieve. the flavor is nice in its darkness perhaps just a prelude to a much bigger act? and much more rich your words have become. well done Jessie,

~mike
| Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  i thought it was ok not bad i enjoyed reading it. but i think. but this is only what i think wich doesn't madder neway. it could was some more decriptors. to set the mood so you can visulize your self being there or what ever thaks for reading this. it's only what i think.
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by evilmidget666 | [ Reply to This ]
  Beautiful! I like how elegant and sincere it is! I think this is really really really really good! It's been a while since I've read something that reminded myself of me this much, and I think that's slightly scary, but it's a good thing! Keep writing, you've got a whole lot of talent!
Cheers,
~Sephe~
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! I love this piece! It makes me think of a spirit who enjoyed dancing. I'm just weird that way. This is going onto my favorites list, just to let you know. Anyway, I loved the rhyme scheme and the verses, its so BEAUTIFUL!

~WindEmpress~
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by WindEmpress | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the description espescially the dancing in the shadows and the singing absently gives a incredible image. .It has a lot of feeling in it.The end is almost a little unclear like there is something missing, But in someways it's actually better because the reader can use their imagination and fill the spot. It's a beautiful write.
Smartblond
| Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by smartblond | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.