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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cursedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Catylyx
    ASL Info:    17/F/Sand Springs
    Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 7/15/7
    Words: 1273
    Class/Type: Story/Gothic
    Total Views: 305
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 6707



    Description:
       the stories behind the lives of those cursed..and those who love them...immortals and otherwise.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCursedots
    -------------------------------------------


    ((please don't steal, this is the only story that i really actually feel i could possibly finish, it means a lot to me.....and i'd copyright it if i had money..but i'm a poor little goth girl...so i'll have to wait...ah well.... Believe me, there are a lot more chapters, but i want to see the response before i put up some of the others....so let me know!))



    Chapter One



    I have been asked to give a full accounting of what happened during the battle…and it makes me smile to see my lord teacher ask something so gently of me. Of course you the reader would not know of what I speak, this being only the first part…so do forgive if my mind strays and my hand follows.

    I’ll assume to start this story at the beginning, or in any case at the memory that would seem to mark the beginning…




    The soft sigh of a silk bodice sliding against skin was barely registered in my mind, I had felt her presence halfway down the hall, but the tremor of barely suppressed laughter that flittered through the air, fluttering along my senses like soft wings of butterflies was what had caused me to pause. It had caught my attention, for I was irritated and ruffled, and not much for being the center of amusement.

    I looked up to see Alia looking at me with that look upon her face, the one that told me that at the state in which I was occupied, she seemed to find something rather humorous, or at the very least some measure of solemn regard. It reflected in her emerald eyes, the image of my disgruntled figure surrounded by an array of parchments and heaps of volumes from which I read, ink stains were on my hands, and there was a smear of black on my nose, where I had rubbed my nose due to the onslaught of feathers that had tickled it.

    “It amuses you to see me in such a state? Looking as awful as I do?” I set down my quill and ran my ink-stained hand through my mass of sable hair. I brushed my velvet skirts clean of little tufts of feathers, which had fallen from my white-feathered quill, and stood facing her, feeling myself begin to feel amused at my own state as well.

    “No,” She said walking over and plucking a piece of parchment from my bangs. “It amuses me to see you so entranced in the things you do.” She brushed her fingers lightly over one of the books, even as I pulled her to me by a fold in her deep violet skirts. “Are you still trying to solve the puzzle of mortal politics as our teacher would have you? Or,” she brushed the tips of her fingers over one of the books. "are you trying to find ways to plead with your master in the case of your sister?"

    I sighed, “You know me well enough to know it is the latter...already it is fast approaching the fifth year since her capture, and still I have yet to recieve word of her from my lord, or any summoning that may entrust her wellbeing to me. I seldom know wether I can last much longer with this antagonizing wait.”

    Alia moved to my side wrapping her arms around my waist, and I pressed my lips to her golden hair, her cheek resting softly against my breast. Already I could feel her warmth begin to calm me, comforting my troubled mind.

    “I just don’t understand it, love, so long have I done as I have been told, but still I sit here on this forsaken rock with no knowledge as to wether or not my sister lives! I just wish my master would send for me, for I do not understand why he wouldn't." She pulled back and looked up at me, being some measure shorter, her back resting against my arms that encircled her. She kissed me gently on the lips and gazed into my eyes.

    “Perhaps he does it to protect you.” she said softly. "It is obvious that you are always fretting over it, maybe he doesn't know either? I am sure that he only wishes you happiness, and wouldn't dare take you from here." ‘If only it were that…’ I thought, but only smiled and gazed at her all too beautiful features placidly. I knew she meant well in what she said, but she knew not the details of what she spoke, so could only tell me innocent reassurances to calm my mind. Her innocent beauty sometimes was too much, and I could not help but look upon her sadly.

    “What is it Kylia?” She asked smiling to herself as well. I touched her cheek,

    “Sometimes I wonder how I came to love you as I do, and I think that maybe you had used your Siren powers to trap me,” I moved my hand to rest under her chin. “but then I laugh and know this is no spell.” I bent my head down and kissed her lips, gently at first then harder, my hand going to hold the back of her neck. I waited for her to part her lips before delving my tongue into her mouth, caressing her tongue with my own. I bared my fangs for a split second of a moment and let her graze her tongue and lips on them, before hiding them again and holding her hair fast in my hand.

    I pulled away quickly and felt her knees buckle beneath her, she would have sank to the floor, if not for my arm at her waist. She was breathing hard and I watched her breasts rise and fall with every gasping breath, her eyes glazed over with passion and lust. I had touched her with a shimmer of my powers, enhancing all the raging emotions that were flooding her at this moment. My fangs had broken skin when her lips had brushed against them, and small droplets of blood were smeared along her botton lip and chin; I licked my lips and tasted the same sweet blood.

    She gasped when I pulled her against me, pressing her body to my own hard, my hands moving to clasp her slim waist, careful to keep her standing. I drew her to the couch next to us, laying her down onto it gently, letting her sink into the cushions as I caught her face into my hands and kissed her bruised lips gently, covering her forehead and nose with light, feathery kisses. I sat next to her on the couch and gathered her into my arms.

    She lay against me heavily, her breathing labored and her eyes closed. I smiled and waited for her to regain what bearings she had left, her breath at last coming slow and even. She turned into my lap and glared at me fiercely,

    “By the Goddesses, Kylia, I hate it when you tease me so! You did that knowing that our teacher is soon to summon us to lecture!” I just gave her a throaty chuckle and kissed her cheek as Seneta came to give us the orders from our teacher, and stood to go and lounge inside the gardens.




    Submitted on 2005-11-04 19:37:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the topic is common, yet it is well written, theres not much charter delvopment, but you can work on that in later chapters. the setting is placed good though.
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by wolfpupgrl14 | [ Reply to This ]
      I see you usage of color in this one and it seems almost overpronounced in the first section, then it seems that you begin to shy away from it. I like an overusage of color personally but using it and then dropping it made me a bit peeved. Second, I have to agree with one of the earlier comments, can't member which, there is very little scene or charatcer development in this one, though I picked up that one is a vampire(or has exceptionly sharp teeth) and that both are students. We don't know relative age, where t hey are, or what exactly they are studying. This can be solved in later chapters. Normally it is best if you give the characters there charateristics now, in the first chapter. I liked it overall and it did keep my interest, keep writing it. Thanks for posting.

    Yours Truly,
    Argos P.S. I like your icon.
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by Aruemos | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a pretty good beginning for a story; there isn't much for character development but you can work on that as the story progresses. I half agree with Stout on that this is a fairly common story base, but you can add your own twists on it as you add more chapters. There is one technical error:

    This should be two different paragraphs, so instead of reading like this:
    “Perhaps he does it to protect you.” she said softly. "It is obvious that you are always fretting over it, maybe he doesn't know either? I am sure that he only wishes you happiness, and wouldn't dare take you from here." ‘If only it were that…’ I thought, but only smiled and gazed at her all too beautiful features placidly. I knew she meant well in what she said, but she knew not the details of what she spoke, so could only tell me innocent reassurances to calm my mind. Her innocent beauty sometimes was too much, and I could not help but look upon her sadly.

    It would be better like this:
    “Perhaps he does it to protect you.” she said softly. "It is obvious that you are always fretting over it, maybe he doesn't know either? I am sure that he only wishes you happiness, and wouldn't dare take you from here."

    ‘If only it were that…’ I thought, but only smiled and gazed at her all too beautiful features placidly. I knew she meant well in what she said, but she knew not the details of what she spoke, so could only tell me innocent reassurances to calm my mind. Her innocent beauty sometimes was too much, and I could not help but look upon her sadly.

    Other than that, it's a pretty good start. And don't be discouraged, the best way to get better by writing is to always write more! ^_^
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by RumnMoxie | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree. the story is written in original style despite the fact the theme is slightly common. The seting is different as usually in this style of story they are in an old run down house. carry on with it i say i want to read the next part.
    xxAngelxx
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by The_Angelic_Dea | [ Reply to This ]



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