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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Babydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: punn
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 26/36/12
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 180
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 878



    Description:
       did you feel it? does it flow smoothly?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBabydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I could barely say it. You’re pregnant?
    My face clinched up, prelude to a cry.
    My lips flat, forced against each other.
    I could do nothing but hold out my arms,
    Open for her to join me in my chair.

    We said nothing for half an hour,
    Her head on my shoulder, my hand in her hair.
    Our shirts wet from all our crying.
    She leaned up, wiping the mascara
    From under her eyes, are you happy?

    Happy? I caught a breath, yes, very.
    I wouldn’t want it if not for you.
    This is truly a product of love,
    Given to me like a gift from you.

    She leaned back over, I held her tight.
    I bit her lip, I blew in her ear.
    I noticed the shaking, I heard the voices,
    What the hell! Wake up, wake up.
    What do you want for breakfast? The man asked.




    Submitted on 2005-11-05 11:07:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Great work, you held my attention right up until the end, where I laughed along with the others! I thought it was going to be a romantic poem the same as many others I see on here. I actually shook myself at the end too lol.
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Very nicely done. I fell right into this poem as if this was another romantic love type poem about your experience and then I got to the end and had to smile! haha!Maybe not so funny though, if you had wished this was not a dream. But this read to me as if you were speaking of reality. Nicely written and expressed. I dont see anything here I would change. I had overlooked the satire classification until I read the ending. I scrolled up to see how it was classified and sure enough it was satire! Very clever poem from you. Nice work. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Was he dreaming? Was it like what he wanted It was his dream to have a kid with the one that he loved. I think was very well written, and I applaud it. I really liked, it because in the beggining it was just really sad, but also happy, and one of those poem where you felt like going "Awww..", and then he woke up, and I thought that was funny, and I did snort despite myself, but I truly think this is a god write. It's truly great indeed, and well..yeah it's awesome. It was dirctly to it in the beggining, and I thought it was going to be like a shocker she was pregnant because they didn't use protection or something, but it was shocke,r because that wasn't all like what I expected so that was great. Great job.
    Peace and love,
    ~Aya*
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]



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