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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: CURIOUS AND STRONGdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dycrain
    ASL Info:    56/F/U.S.A.
    Elite Ratio:    7.33 - 51/54/19
    Words: 410
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 896
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2849



    Description:
       I am looking to receive an honest opinion with suggested changes, is you have them. If this was a published poem, would you stop to read it?
    As we know all poems are gems unto themselves, some are just a little more polished than others. I am always looking to find polish.
    Thank you, and
    God bless,
    Yvonne


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCURIOUS AND STRONGdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ears to listen, eyes open and wide
    God's divined plan, insightfully, glorified.
    You are about to witness nature in full run
    Restoration has just begun.


    This is nature at it's best
    Never, is Mother at peaceful rest.
    Now, survival shall be put to the test
    Warm, well-fed, snuggling, safely in their nest.


    Perfect timing, with accented pitch
    Hearing Mother's chime, so melodious and rich.
    Chicks different, need to learn right from wrong
    Two were fearful, one is curious and strong.


    Plumage, now full, wings they are dry
    Close is the time, must learn how to fly.
    Mom sings to them a delightful song
    "Flight time is now," show Mother you're strong.


    Need of today,"sight food from the sky"
    "Important lesson," she trilled with a sigh.
    "Spread your wings, lift feet from your nest"
    "The wind and current shall do all the rest."


    Fearful are two, had to leave with a nudge
    To this day, they carry a surly grudge.
    Curious and Strong, lifted with great might
    Flew through the air,and had a great flight.


    Mother, in lead, says "Look low for food"
    "With clarity, sight in movements," she cooed.
    Everyone tired, but fed, lesson well learned
    Dusk is coming fast, time they returned.


    Fearful two stayed close to Mom, desired a needed rest
    "Important lesson well learned, find your bedded nest."
    Curious and Strong, flying too far, is now out of luck
    Lost Mom, wearily found a mirror; upon a transport truck.


    Mom spotted Curious and Strong, truck was in gear
    Feeling movement, he clung with great fear.
    Faster and faster, it rolled down the road
    Tighter and tighter, afraid to let go of his hold.


    Flapping fast, Mom needing aid for this flight
    Barely seeing Curious and Strong, almost out of sight.
    Decision to make, must not be wrong
    Return to the nest, or follow Curious and Strong.


    Time is late, night colored ebony black
    Decision made, say good-bye and head on back.
    Curious and Strong, a lifetime ride, never returned
    Lesson about moving vehicles, abruptly learned.


    The sky, ground, and tree is your key
    To continue a life wild and free.
    From man-made stay away
    God's gift is your home today.


    (Pending)
    Yvonne Marie Crain
    September 17, 2005











    Submitted on 2005-11-05 16:54:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a well-done write with some helpful life lessons! Nature is a mirror - really!
    You have a very caring way that shines through and even though it wasn't a happy ending - life doesn't always provide those.
    Your flow and format are tight also and it reads very well, especially because of the length~
    Love,Peace,Joy ~ Know,Experience,BE~~~
    tif
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I really really liked this
    It was beautifully written and created fantastic imagery
    You are a very gifted writer

    I hope to see more of your writes in the future
    Fantastic!
    Take Care
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. Very well written and expressed and speaks wonderfully of nature and instinct and wildlife in nature. I really enjoyed reading this poem. I was sad to read the fate of curious and strong in this one, but certainly a reality in the wildlife world. I have a suggestion as to the form of this...the two lines that stick out, I would put them as the third line of the stanza. They seem out of place and I think the read would be more fluid as well as to help the appearance of the poem. One typo noted in the second to last line, 'you' should be 'your'. Otherwise this is absolutely great. A wonderful story about nature. Very nicely done indeed. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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