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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Somnolencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: YoungWerther
    ASL Info:    20/M/ Los Locos
    Elite Ratio:    4.14 - 69/92/65
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 211
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 350



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomnolencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hypnotics crush my impulses
    Unfold the tiny creases
    One large blanket agape
    The nude essence ready for rape
    Come sit with me
    Feel this hollow entity
    Eat my flesh and gnaw my bone
    While I wail and moan

    I am the light of my perceptions
    I am the master of my indiscretions




    Submitted on 2005-11-05 19:16:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Dear poet from 'The Crazies'
    I should think that painting should be moved to the bedroom to some other room.... or was that just my lurid imagination.
    I still had fun reading this poem. Wundebar!
    | Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the compactness of your style, how the rhyme scheme squeezes the poem forwards in momentum; like a heartbeat.

    I didn't like the way you went from the powerful, big word of "crush" in the first line to gentle "unfold" and "tiny" in the second, it felt like too big a leap in a direction I wasn't expecting.

    But then thankfully you get back to the big powerful imagery again and it's all nicely raw without being too unnecessarily obvious.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Icarus.
    | Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]



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