Hey thanks for your comments on my poem “the end of me” I tend to ramble on when trying to get my thoughts to others and with my poems I tend to be short in words. Yes I'm sure there heart is willing to take just a little more.
Short and to the point, I liked this poem a lot. You conveyed so much feeling in such few words. I do think you might have been able to add a little more to it, but I still really enjoyed this piece. Even though a heart can only take so much, it always seems willing to take some more, don't you think? Anyway, keep up the good work. I'll be to read some more of your work.
yeah .. it is very short and sweet and shws alo to emotions the wording is good .. and .. well i like it .. good writing my dear.. and keep writing as you do .. it is good.. and we can be better if we try harder and harder... i like it because it reminds me a writing i did years ago .. . i like this part :
"see the vision of him. It fades into darkness the surrounds me, and i fade with him."
so with thi spart i took a picture on my mind,... reminded me those time i was down ... good job! my dead.. but i think it is "that" instead of "the" ... so keep on writing a nd peace and love victor!
SHORT AND SWEET IS ALWAYS GREAT BUT THIS PEICE IS A LITTLE TOO SHORT AND NOT ENOUGH SWEET. THE LINES WERE GREAT JUST NOT QUITE DESCRIPTIVE ENOUGH. TRY ADDING OR REWRITING.
Very short, rather awkward, and pretty angsty... Need I say more? Well I will... It's a very real life topic, and I applaud your decision to write about something so true to many of us, but I just can't get over the way you wrote it... There is definitely something missing... I'm honestly not trying to put you down here, you just need to put more time and energy into this particular piece... Revise and Repost and maybe I'll be able to give you a better critique next time
that was a beautiful and very true line. my heart breaks constantly and for only one and one alone. soon i think i shall die because i fade from view...and you don't want to know about that. good poem.
I have to agree This poem starts exellently but then as you get into it suddenly gets cut short. Maybe if you elaborated a bit more over the darkness and why your fading. we can't give help unless we know whats going on :D altogether though its quite intresting Now show us more and unfold the darkness xxAngelxx
This is a very well written piece, but i feel that theres more to it, your hiding something that you dont want to bring out, because this is an incomplete piece(excuse me if you feel im wrong)I like the first line because tells us that uve been going through a lot of pain. I know how you feel. Your wondering why your going through so much pain and crying out to tell the pain to stop and that you've had enough. The last two lines create a nice mystical, visual effect. Its a well written piece but i think you should either add some more to it or write another part, i know you have the talent. keep writing gautam
Submission Name: the end of me
