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    dots Submission Name: the end of medots

    Author: sushi wok
    ASL Info:    19/f/australia
    Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 64/67/13
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 853
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 313


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    dotsthe end of medots

    My heart can only break so many times,
    and when that time comes.
    I know it'll be the end of me.
    My heart can only take so much.

    As i watch life go by,
    i see the vision of him.
    It fades into darkness that surrounds me,
    and i fade with him.

    Submitted on 2005-11-05 20:52:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey thanks for your comments on my poem “the end of me” I tend to ramble on when trying to get my thoughts to others and with my poems I tend to be short in words. Yes I'm sure there heart is willing to take just a little more.

    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by sushi wok | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and to the point, I liked this poem a lot. You conveyed so much feeling in such few words. I do think you might have been able to add a little more to it, but I still really enjoyed this piece. Even though a heart can only take so much, it always seems willing to take some more, don't you think? Anyway, keep up the good work. I'll be to read some more of your work.
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by lostpoet25 | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah .. it is very short and sweet and shws alo to emotions
    the wording is good .. and .. well i like it .. good writing my dear.. and keep writing as you do .. it is good.. and we can be better if we try harder and harder...
    i like it because it reminds me a writing i did years ago .. .
    i like this part :

    "see the vision of him.
    It fades into darkness the surrounds me,
    and i fade with him."

    so with thi spart i took a picture on my mind,... reminded me those time i was down ...
    good job! my dead.. but i think it is "that" instead of "the" ...
    so keep on writing
    a nd peace and love
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]

    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      Very short, rather awkward, and pretty angsty... Need I say more? Well I will... It's a very real life topic, and I applaud your decision to write about something so true to many of us, but I just can't get over the way you wrote it... There is definitely something missing... I'm honestly not trying to put you down here, you just need to put more time and energy into this particular piece... Revise and Repost and maybe I'll be able to give you a better critique next time
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Meckes | [ Reply to This ]
      my heart can only break so many times

    that was a beautiful and very true line. my heart breaks constantly and for only one and one alone. soon i think i shall die because i fade from view...and you don't want to know about that. good poem.
    | Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree This poem starts exellently but then as you get into it suddenly gets cut short. Maybe if you elaborated a bit more over the darkness and why your fading.
    we can't give help unless we know whats going on :D
    altogether though its quite intresting Now show us more and unfold the darkness
    | Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by The_Angelic_Dea | [ Reply to This ]
      u took the comment personally=was not intended to offend= im the first to say(one persons opinion)=one of many.
    i liked the read=i wanted more lol

    understanding equals contintment lol

    and remember

    wes all toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      it does need more.u left the reader hanging.im asking why,when where and how=this would complete the picture u started.

    good start to this

    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoy this one, short but direct.

    HEARTS DO GO SMASH SMASH . . . . . .

    The stream of life must go on.

    Don't let the saddness overbite you.

    Your friend T.Redd
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by T.Redd | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very well written piece, but i feel that theres more to it, your hiding something that you dont want to bring out, because this is an incomplete piece(excuse me if you feel im wrong)I like the first line because tells us that uve been going through a lot of pain. I know how you feel. Your wondering why your going through so much pain and crying out to tell the pain to stop and that you've had enough. The last two lines create a nice mystical, visual effect. Its a well written piece but i think you should either add some more to it or write another part, i know you have the talent.
    keep writing
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by Gautam | [ Reply to This ]

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