I really liked this write It is a very powerful and heartfelt write I believe you were writing about being hurt so many times in life that you are know immune against someones negativity Kind of what happenend in my life
my general advice to you is maybe tale out the .. at the end of every line. i don't think they belong. but that's only my opinion if you want them, leave them. it's your poem. i thought the poem was good in the subject matter, stanza formation, rhyme, word choice, etc. you get the point. good work.
why do you think you need suggestions? this poem is perfect the way it is... it made alot of sense... it works in every way... the flow is good... the rhyming gives it a wonderful touch... it was a very good poem... enjoy
Yum, I like this. You really capture the helplessness of a relationship that has deteriorated to such a state.
Nice rhyming, Welsh Rhupunt form, I believe, and if you fixed a couple of the syllable accents, it would be perfect. Let me know if you want me to showyou where, but if you're happy with it, well that's OK
Excellent typification of the numbness of a shattered relationship and the slow moment of realization that the two are no longer one. You (or whomever the broken hearted may be) have reached the maximum point of saturation in regard to pain and disappointment, and every additional sorrow is like water pouring from a full glass: cruelly uneccessary. Nicely, nicely, beautifully done.
This is very intense. The coninual repeats do a very good job of breaking up the poem which seems to add to the pain thats trying to be caused.
Selfish grasps and dying cries.. Still, no tears will fill these eyes.. Nothing spoken.. no replies.. Just hurry.. while I'm numb..
This verse is amazing i love the way it shatters the lines as well as showing how she still doesnt care. I really hope this isn't you because if you are numb then society has a great loss on its hands. xxAngelxx