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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: NO REGRETS(INTENSIVE CARE)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dycrain
    ASL Info:    56/F/U.S.A.
    Elite Ratio:    7.33 - 51/54/19
    Words: 638
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2581



    Description:
       "This is a life experience, so tragic; so true. How blessed I am that Pop entered my life. Until then, my experience with men was not wonderful. Men were looked at with fear and hatred."
    I am looking for honest feedback, including telling me if there is anything you would change.
    Format, not exactly as original, not enough space allowed per line.
    Is this a poem you would stop and read if it should be published?
    I thank you for reading, and exchanging ideas.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNO REGRETS(INTENSIVE CARE)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    With no regrets, it was now or never
    I chose now
    Afraid of not making it in time
    I said, "but how?"

    My heart leaped into my throat, how could this be?
    You are being treated for back pain
    Can't believe what my eyes now perceive
    Strong body, now weak, this is just insane

    With love, gently touching your hand, I lean close
    Shocked, I will never forget your first words to me
    "Oh, Baby"
    " I AM SO HUNGRY"

    Wires, tubes, like a spider'web, going everywhere
    Of course, what else, this is Intensive Care
    Tape makes your nose appear distorted
    Your wish, this to be aborted

    Kissing your forehead
    I drift into memory
    Boarding home, you in one room, Mom another
    Neither met, was obvious to me

    Sauntering to the bathroom
    You stood straight and tall
    Eyes trained foreward, no smile
    Face hardened, angry with all, I do recall

    I nicknamed you "Sour Puss"
    Never heard of Spousal Abuse
    Wielded by a woman, now your ex-wife
    Standing over you, was she; with a knife

    A woman with a challenge
    You fell in love again, and Mom you did wed
    Three teenage girls, one boy; the youngest
    You accepted and with joy now led

    What a challenge
    with courage you did show
    We tested you, Pop
    to know how far we could go

    Exchanged words, you and I
    as a teenager will do
    In apology, I said "I'm sorry"
    on this day I fell in love with you

    No longer just a stepfather
    I called, "Jim"
    Your name is now "Pop"
    My teenage anger starting to dim

    Your love guiding, showing by example
    All men are not the same
    Each individual is to blame
    How blessed that into my life you came

    With love, your arms around me
    Showing how much you care
    With memories, so sweet
    Our hearts and souls we share.

    TO BE CONTINUED












    Submitted on 2005-11-06 05:10:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i know the icu to well, my mother just spent five months in the hospital, which is the name of my poem. you have done a wonderful job here. i am glad you got the time to spend with this wonderful man who took on so many and took charge and care. my father died very suddenly, and unexpectedly, i had the feeling to call him that night and figured i would wait another day. it had been months since i had spoke to him. now i wish i hadnt waited. i believe God was telling me "now or never" and i didnt listen. i will read part two after i check to make sure the kids are still cleaning their rooms!~~tracy
    ps i dont think you need to change a thing. this is a wonderful write!
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Imz, you have an incredible talent with penning your thoughts and emotions into words. You wizz me into your life when you write; I feel I am there watching with you, it's like reading a good book and not wanting to put it down! I can't see anything I would want to change in the above and I just love this verse;

    Your love guiding, showing by example
    All men are not the same
    Each individual is to blame
    How blessed that into my life you came

    How wonderful for you to have had this experience. He sounds like a good man and I would imagine he was blessed to have had you in his life as well. Take care. Mel.
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Yvonne this is such an incredible story! You have a great talent for writing. Your words and descriptions are wonderful, giving me a good "view" of what you were describing. Such an amazing story of survival and courage to go on an build a new life. He does indeed sound like a remarkable man. I can only imagine what horror he went through with such an experience. But it sounds to me, like despite the horrible past, that a silver lining was seen through the dark cloud. You developed a wonderful relationship! I cant see anything I would change in this. Very nicely done. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    80046

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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