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Submission Name: Volume dots

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Author:	mistakes
ASL Info:	15/f/ the shadow realm
Elite Ratio:	2.65 - 16/56/6
Words:	72

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	219
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	516

Description:

Volume

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flames engulf
a chaotic and screaming crowd
but HE never hears it.
he's turned the volume down.

the children crying in dark corners
their mothers now
nothing but smoldering ash
and bits of charred bone
but their cries are silent
because he's turned the volume down.

our cries of pain
our screams of agony
are muted and ignored
we nevver make a sound
because he's turned the volume down.

Submitted on 2005-11-06 20:55:43 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

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Author: mistakes
ASL Info: 15/f/ the shadow realm

Elite Ratio: 2.87 - 16/46/6
Words: 174
Class/Type: Poetry/Death
Total Views: 55
Average Vote: No vote yet.
Bytes: 1366

Commentary type requested: Thoughts
[ Recent comments given by mistakes. ]

Description:

Suicidal Children
-

suicidal children
with glowing red eyes
sit bloody and bleeding
waiting for the Reaper
to come sweeping by
so he'll take them
away from their pain
and release them from
unimaginable shame.

suicidal children
with such empty gazes
lie unloved and alone
no one to hold them tight
no one to call their own
no one to whisper
everything's gonna be alright.

suicidal children
filled with anger and fear
walk dark streets
hearts heavy with despair
hiding themselves in the night
knowing nothing's alright.

suicidal children
with razorblades and pills
where others find sin.
they find justified thrills.

suicidal children
left by themselves
eyes shining with pleasure
as the blood streams to the floor
laughing in twisted joy
as the paramedics close the door.

suicidal children
with eyes glowing red
crying in the darkness
overcome with fear
whispering they're sorry
over and over again
but no one will hear.

the suicidal children
look up and then disappear
the monster in their head
finally got the best of them.

| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
  oh and maybe you could give me back my coat with you so ungratefully borrowed from me

i hope i get it back

i liked that coat

i think you're stupid

just die and go to hell

just kidding

signed the anonymous weirdo in your heaad
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
  you get really long comments you know,

maybe one day you will give such long and informative comments

io hope you live wee

well i mean

and have

a

happy

l

i

f

e

signed,
the freak in your heaad
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey,

Very refreshing words you share with us here. I am impressed with the picture you portray although i find the descriptive image very vague. But i do know one thing, you do try to portray the cries of children and i think the word children has a symbolism behind it...more like innocence taken away from earth and no one knows about it because the volume has been turned down. The mothers are the caregivers of these children crying their hearts out that their children are now suffering but someone has turned down the volume of their cries.

Somehow, i was picturing a building where they are children set on fire and the doors has been locked unable to be opened. The mothers outside crying their tears trying to get the doors opened, the windows broken but it's all cealed and there is no escape for those children and so they burn because the firefighters haven't arrived as yet.

I don't know if "HE" is God but if it is Him, then i guess you have to rephrase the entire first stanza by explaining what you mean by He and why he has turned down the volume. He can't just turn down a volume for no good reason at all, so do elaborate on that.

I also noticed that you Used He in the first stanza then They and then We. I don't think you should switch the people just like that, stick with one, it would be less confusing.

But overall, i think you've inspired me to write something about it. If i do, i will dedicate it to you cause whether i got the concept of what you wrote or not, you still were able to paint a certain picture in my head.

Thanks for sharing this piece with us.
Take care...
Irina
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  This is very interesting. Very dark and a bit of a mystery with this poem. I can see some kind of horrible tragedy occuring that would cause this kind of situation. Flames and fire burning in a large crowd of people makes me think of the Station Fire, where a couple of years ago, a bar in my area caught fire during a concert and so many people tragically lost their lives as the fire spread rapidly. One of my friends was there, and fortunately she was only badly burned on her arms and legs, but did not lose her life as so many did. This poem got me thinking and I like how you wrote this. It almost asks how could HE let something like that happen, and then gives the answer with the volume. Good write. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a strange write and haunting. on one hand I think its about an event like a fire in a building and the screaming and crying is useless because of its magnitude. I tried to go with spiritualism here by taking the children to mean children of God but that doesn’t work very well given the mothers in this write. then again it could be God ignoring the plight of the people here its very puzzling to say the least. the descriptions I like the smoldering ash and the charred bone that is very good, horrifying. what launched me to think it’s God, is in the first stanza with the capitalized HE. special emphasis place on words tend to sharpen my focus naturally. of course with focus one can always be focused in the wrong direction. I note the screaming in the first stanza, the crying in the second, and the mix of cries and screams in the third. then the haunting part for me is the turning the volume down that gets me because I get this feeling that the people in this situation are really screwed and no one is coming to save them that is horror right there. you have illustrated that with cold precision. only one little thing here “nevver” in the third stanza should be “never” matter of fact I didn’t notice the crowd in the first stanza I’m getting chilly reading this, very good effect, I like it. you have crowd st1, then mothers and children st2, the our…..damn this is really horrible jeezus wonderfully dark piece here. I hope I don’t have nightmare tonight over this one. very good at making this a upsetting write, highly unusual too, I never got chilly over a write. you did a great job! you might influence me for a piece in the future! excellent piece!

~mike
| Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]

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