Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: IMMORALSdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbedx1000
    ASL Info:    28/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204/326/124
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 697
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1442



    Description:
       this is the final chapter in the series of poems i have out, b4 u read this poem, if you havn't already, go to my site and read in order, IMMORAL BEINGS,IMMORAL CITY;MIND, IMMORAL SELF, IMMORAL WINGS, IMMORAL BATTLE, and then IMMORAL SHOWDOWN. i hope you enjoy the story


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIMMORALSdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We stand slump in this deserted city,
    The city witch is my mind and still a maze,

    Now lies in ruins upon our battle plains,
    I began my life with sin,

    Now I hope to change,
    The first move is made,

    The shadow figure runs with wings pulled back,
    My own wings spread to prepare for the attack,

    His blows come in many along with misses,
    My own repent against his wishes,

    The battle wedges for several moments,
    An eternity waits for no man to live,

    So one being must die,
    The shadow hits a blow to the face,

    I turn in an attempt to fly, test faith,
    A blade of his hand slices the wing,

    I fall the first sign of humanity,
    Blood spills from the feathers,

    Now I rest in pain and agony,
    He lifts me up by the nub on my back,

    He rips my right wing off in his secant attack,
    As I below from the wound,

    A hand of divine evil rips through my chest,
    I see my heart the light oppressed,

    I am tossed aside to the red dusty ground,
    My lips move but there is no sound,

    The shadow leaves this city into my mind,
    My body awakes now to forever live in sin,

    The new found light diminishes to nothing,
    As the shadows of sin; renewed now begin




    Submitted on 2005-11-07 06:04:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I thought he set your wings on fire??? Oh, Jeeze your back in the city again... What is the city!? wow... he really doesnt like your wings. Probably cuz their bigger than his right??? j/k.

    Oh, okay a very realistic ending. I was expecting a happy one. but okay. That was awfully depressing. So... does that mean that you'll forever live in sin or just until you can muster up the strength for another battle?

    Drea
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    80159

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry